


Gold dust woman

by Pizzama8



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: BDSM, Bottom Amelie, Bottom Widowmaker, F/F, Top Lena, Top Tracer, not smut, there is no smut in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:03:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8449000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pizzama8/pseuds/Pizzama8
Summary: Lena is a waitress/bartender at a club, Amelie is the head of cyber-security at a corporation. The pair meet on an online BDSM community forum and the pair try (and fail) to keep it casual. Now Lena's invested and Amelie is too addicted to cut ties for good. Featuring: a copious lack of smut, Angela Ziegler sporting the worst swiss-german accent you've ever read, and lots of post-sex cuddles.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not going to lie if I had known that Sombra was /30/ I wouldn't have even suggested the silly sub-plot of her having an obsessive crush on D.va Just going to timestamp this with a disclaimer of "Released before Sombra's profile".
> 
> That being said also going to throw in "Aging Sombra down and aging D.va up so that they're both 21" as a disclaimer.
> 
> Does that make it any better? Probably not but who else is the super 1337 hacker gonna date if not the super 1337 streamer?

There is a brief moment between when they finish and when she leaves that Amelie is tempted to stay; she looks over at her laying on the bed in that oversized shirt and wants to ask her name, wants to know who she is, where she works, if she is truly single.  She wants to know all the little secrets about her but that would mean breaking their agreement; an agreement she’d insisted upon herself, to remain anonymous and to prevent anything illicit coming back to her rivals.

“Do you have to leave luv?”

“Oui.”

The British girl sighs and rolls on to her back and watches as Amelie dresses; Amelie could feel her eyes drinking in her form and she suppresses a shudder that comes with that curious stare and she fixes those hazel eyes with an indifferent expression. She pulls her pants on, covering up bruises along her thighs and rear, and tucks her shirt into the waistband. She looks professional and almost painfully overdressed.

“You know the rules mon cherie.”

“I do but I always worry that you’re leaving with more bruises than you’d like ya know?”

She does but they’re not her fault or the fault of their recent activities.

“Don’t forget to take the collar off.”

“What?”

Amelie said; glancing at herself in the mirror and realising that she did indeed still have that orange leather collar around her neck. She reaches up and tentatively touches it, finger tips ghosting over the soft leather before she unbuckles it and tosses it onto the bed.

“You really should get a different colour; it doesn’t suit me.”

“Hey if you wanted a nicer collar than you can always bring your own.”

Amelie tutted and gave her a look before resuming dressing herself; she struggles with the tie, hands shaking from exhaustion and a post-adrenaline slump. She frowns and the girl on the bed becomes the girl standing next to her; her hands reaching out and tying the knot for Amelie before grinning and leaning up to kiss her on the cheek.

There’s nearly four inches in height difference between the two of them and she has to tip toe up to meet the lips of her French lover. Amelie allows herself to linger just for a second before pulling away and bending over to grab her shoes, sliding the small heels on slowly, taking her time.

“You can stay luv.”

“No I can’t; we’ve been over this.”

She says quietly and for a moment it’s easy to believe that Amelie was the dominant one in the relationship. The girl pouts and stands in front of her, crossing her arms and spreading her legs so that she was blocking Amelie from even seeing the door.

“What if I insist?”

“Then that would be kidnapping.”

“Isn’t that one of your fantasies?”

She says it playfully but Amelie just tuts in irritation; she was done being playful, if she allowed this to go any further than she’d become invested. Again. She couldn’t afford that; there were too many people looking to undermine her right now, too many people looking to take her spot.

“Enough.”

“lu-“

“I said enough.”

She stands up and the girl stumbles backwards looking genuinely upset for once; good Amelie thinks, maybe that will give her some context for our arrangement.

“We should stop seeing each other.”

“We won’t. You say that every time.”

“I know but it makes you pay attention; we agreed no names, no attachment, and no relationship. We both needed a vent and that’s what we are. There are many that would pay a lot of money to know about you, about us, I can’t afford to get sloppy just because I got attached.”

“Is it the BDSM thing or the lesbian thing?”

“What?”

The girl grinned up at her; her poor mood apparently forgotten

“It’s not hard to tell your gay luv, anyone could guess it! You wear suits and dye your hair purple; you talk about being discreet but you’re practically waving a rainbow flag.”

Amelie rubbed her forehead with her hand.

“Just shut up.”

“Rude.”

“Goodbye Tracer.”

The girl frowned and watched as Amelie left before walking to the door;

“Goodbye. I’m not saying your stupid username. Same time next week?”

“Maybe; I’m busy and I’ll be back in France that weekend so I’ll have to see.”

Tracer hesitated, rubbing her arms with her hands.

“Don’t leave me waiting around, I hate waiting. Let me know if you’re coming or not.”

Amelie nodded to her before walking down the stairs and out of the apartment. With her gone Lena lets out a huff and slams the door in frustration; down the hallway a door opens up and a blonde head pokes out with a small grin.

“Mein gott you two are loud. Does she always scream like that?”

“Angela I swear to god I will throw this vase at you if you say another word.”

Angele frowned and stepped out into the hallway and walked over to her friend; gently pushing her bangs out of her face and pulling her into a hug. Lena held her tightly and buried her head into the crook of her neck.

“You really like her?”

“Yeah… it’s stupid. I thought if it was just sex I could….”

“Lena has it ever been just sex with you?”

She sighed; her friend was right, she pulled away from that comforting embrace and looked behind her.

“You can come out Fareeha, I know you’re here too.”

“I didn’t hear anything!”

Lena rolled her eyes and looked up at Angela with a grin;

“Wanna grab some takeaway?”

“Sure! Darling would you prefer to stay in or would you like to eat out tonight?”

She calls out behind her and into her room. There’s a pause;

“Is she gonna say it?”

“Shh let’s see how much I’ve corrupted my sweet girlfriend.”

“I’m happy with whatever you want Angela.”

Fareeha’s voice came out almost overly sweat for someone who was a veteran. Angela groaned and Lena chuckled

“Next rounds on you luv.”

“Ja, ja, Chinese?”

Lena nods, pulls away, and stretches her arms out; her body feeling a delightfully little stiff. Angela regards her with a grin;

“Also Lena? Since when are you a top?”

“Since ever luv.”

“But what about when you and I-“

“Angela you’re the most dominant person I have ever met; it’s all that doctoring you do over at the hospital. You’re so used to being in charge it kind of just…. Bleeds over. I wouldn’t be surprised if your bedside manners are the same both at work and at home.”

Angela blushed faintly before chuckling and nudging Lena towards her bedroom.

“Go put on some pants and we’ll go grab the food. Fareeha it’s safe to come out!”

She called out playfully and walked towards her bedroom.

Lena sighed and entered her bedroom and tried to focus on getting changed and not how empty it now felt without her little spider in it. Somewhere in the mess of clothes and other oddities an alarm went off and she groaned. After digging her watch out from a pile of miscellaneous junk she wrapped it around her wrist and set the alarm for another twelve hours before grabbing a bottle of pills and pouring two into her hand, tossing them into her mouth before nearly choking when Angela called angrily from the doorway;

“Take zem vith vater Lena!”

“yas mum!”

She said; grabbing a bottle of water she’d had on hand from her session with the mysterious French woman and swallowing the pills properly.

“Zey vill literally burn a hole in your stomach if you zon’t drink zem vith vater! Do you vant a hole in your stomach Lena! You alveady have vone in your heart!”

Lena rolled her eyes and pulled on a pair of jeans and spraying herself with deodorant to mask the worst of the after-sex smell. Satisfied that she looked suitable for going out into civilisation she grabbed her jacket and purse and joined her roommate and her roommates girlfriend out in the hallway.

“Did you set the alarm?”

Angele asked; her accent almost disappearing but not quite, it was always worse whenever she was angry or annoyed. It was both entertaining and frightening to hear her swear at you in German; Lena had the sneaking suspicion that there were not as many swear words as there were words that Angela liked to yell when she was angry, but only speaking English meant that she had no way of proving whether or not Angela was just yelling random words in an angry tone.

“Yes, yes, lets get going already!”

With that the three left the building and went down the street to the local Chinese.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where exposition happens and I release Sombra.

Four days later in France Amelie Lacroix stepped into the large domineering building that was the Talon corporations headquarters and took the elevator up to where her department was.

To describe her office as minimalist would imply that the vast amount of empty space was intentional; the truth was that she had no pictures to hang up, no awards to brag about, she couldn’t stand the presence of plants, and in general kept all her surfaces as clean and clear as possible. All her documents were on her computer or her tablet (the tablet being the one other piece of technology in her room and was currently charging on top of a filing cabinet) and if she needed anything else she’d get one of her two assistants to bring it to her.

She regarded her workplace clinically and dropped her bag down under her desk and sat in her chair, flinching a little and taking a second to get used to the tenderness of her rear, and booted up her computer. It flashed to life and she typed in her password and login for the TALON Corporation and immediately thirty notifications popped up and she sighed; twenty minor threats, mostly executives getting viruses because of what sites they trafficked, and ten major ones.

A major threat was anything that caused irregular and unplanned downtime on any computer or posed a risk to their intellectual property; which means it could be someone accidentally turning their computer off or a cyber-terror attack on their systems. She sighed and reviewed the report before determining that it was in fact the cleaners unplugging the computers and  promptly dismissed the error reports.

The wall behind her and to her right were made of thick glass and provided excellent views from her office out over the city; she took a second to admire the view and felt like she should feel something for the beauty of the city, like she should appreciate the way the sun rose slowly on the horizon and light cascaded over buildings like a serene halo.

She felt nothing.

She had felt nothing for a long time; it frightened her, terrified her even, that she couldn’t feel. She knew that her pursuit of this position would take its toll but lately the only emotions she’d experienced were irritation, anger, and defeat. She wondered if she even classified as alive anymore; it was reassuring to think that the Talon Corporation would know better than to hire a corpse, not to mention that people around her acted as though she were alive.

She wondered if there was a word for her condition; not really alive and not really dead, with there being a convincing argument for both. The only time when she was sure she was one or the other was in those blissful moments after one of her sessions with “Tracer” where she could be vulnerable, where she could be alive.

She was broken from her train of thought by someone intruding into her silence.

Her door opened and one of her employee’s entered; easily the most talented of the people she’d brought on and to think the girl had hacked into their system because she’d been bored. Finding her had been easy considering the resources she had at her disposal and after some very mild threats she’d persuaded the girl to come work under the Talon Corporation as her second. It had paid off but she wondered how loyal the girl was considering that her fun had been ruined.

“Sombra.”

“Miss Lacroix; we need to talk.”

“Oh? Is something wrong?”

She saw a part of herself in the girl; the way she ruthlessly dispatched opposition, the way she lacked empathy, she adored her and also envied her. She had all the brutality that Amelie herself possessed but she hadn’t paid the price; by all accounts the girl seemed happy, seemed alive.

“I want to lead with saying that I appreciate all you’ve done for me; with the job, making me your second, just so you know that what I did comes from a place of appreciation.”

Today was going to be a bad day it seemed.

“If you waste another second of my time with pleasantries then you’ll cease to be my second.”

“I was asked to monitor your personal laptop by another member of staff. I did so figuring I wouldn’t find anything.”

“Presumably you found my anonymous account on a certain website then? Have you also been monitoring my correspondence with one of the sites members?”

Amelie cut straight to the only incriminating thing that she knew could be found; not wanting to waste more time than was necessary with this situation. Sombra looked… almost guilty for a second and that irritated Amelie more than anything. She had anticipated this eventuality and had plenty of fail safes in place to protect herself from any fallout.

“Yes.”

“How much do you want?”

“What?”

The girl looked confused and Amelie leaned back in her chair regarding her impatiently; if the girl didn’t want to blackmail her then why was she here?

“What do you want in exchange for keeping your mouth shut?”

“N-nothing. I wanted to warn you… this time I found them and I have enough respect to not use this kind of thing against you. If it was someone else though they might not be so generous. I wanted to offer to help you cover your tracks, to protect yourself.”

“And what would protecting myself involve?”

“Well you’d have to stop seeing Miss Oxton for one thing, delete your account from the site, cut off communications preferably without warning. Eliminate any trace that would lead someone from her to you.”

“Miss who?”

“Oxton? Lena Oxton.”

Amelie stared blankly for a minute at Sombra before comprehending what she was trying to say; hearing “Tracers” real name spoken aloud was unsettling. She’d known how easy it was to find out her real name, she just had to ask, but she’d always had that barrier of anonymity up between the pair of them to protect herself. With that gone “Tracer” stopped being a blank face and became Lena Oxton; a person, not just any person, but a person that made Amelie feel again.

“I’ll consider your suggestions and what you have said, thank you for coming to me first. You’ve earned yourself my appreciation. Is there something I could repay you with?”

It did not do to leave debts unsettled. Amelie waits patiently for the awkward pause to pass and scowls when Sombra coughs awkwardly.

“Since when have you been one to waste my time like this? Spit it out. You’ve already given me one piece of bad news today; what do you want?”

“I need the servers; just for five minutes. There’s someone who I’m trying to find and I can’t do it just with my internet connection at home. My presence online is being watched; I’ve done nothing but watch porn and Netflix for the last month and it is driving me insane, I can’t even use my laptop to buy stuff online off the deep-web because law enforcement will be all over me.”

Amelie looked at her for a second; regarding her young protégé with a frustrated look.

“Wouldn’t they know if you were using your account at work to do something illegal too?”

“I was hoping to use your profile actually.”

“Who are you trying to find them and why?”

“I-I can’t say.”

“Then no.”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Better but still no; you taking that blackmail material to my superiors is less likely to get me fired than letting you use my profile and the companies servers to locate someone whose name you won’t even give me.”

“Hana Song.”

There’s a beat and Amelie tilts her head to the side with a quizzical expression.

“The streamer? Why do you want to know where she lives?”

There’s another pause and then;

“Have you been trying to stalk her?”

“It’s not like that!”

Sombra protested; slamming her fist on the table and visibly shaking. Amelie’s curiosity turned into mild concern; obsession of anything, especially another person, was never healthy. It was more liable to hurt you than heal you.

“I can arrange a date.”

“What.”

“I can arrange a date but I will not help you find out where she lives. If she likes you then that’s a foot in the door, if she doesn’t then you should leave her alone.”

Sombra looked at Amelie with an expression that can only be described as adoration; she hesitated before speaking again, her voice wavering a little.

“Can you do that?”

“Is that doubt?”

“N-no!”

“I’ll arrange it. Now leave my office; the next time you come in here better be with a full assessment of vulnerabilities in our systems.”

Sombra nodded and left Amelie to muse over the nature of crushes, adoration; she wondered how obsessed her young student was, and whether or not it could be called love if she’d never met Hana in person. She was sure Sombra would change her opinion of the streamer once they met; Amelie shuddered when she thought about Hana’s room, sitting there, sweltering, the walls stained with Dorito dust.

She only noticed she was pulling a disgusted face when she caught her reflection in one of the windows. She scowled at herself before pulling out a notebook and wrote “Lena Oxton” at the top of the page. Then underneath it she wrote “Pros” and “cons” and tapped her pen against the paper before writing “Hot” under the “Pros” column. Then wrote it twice.

Somewhere back in London Lena was sat down with her friend in a café pondering what to drink; as she stood up Angela cleared her throat.

“Coffee?”

“Noo-yes.”

“No coffee.”

“But we’re in a café! You’ve got to drink coffee! That’s like a thing!”

“It’s bad for your heart.”

Lena groaned and ran a hand through her hair before relenting.

“Fine no coffee. What do you want?”

“Mocha danke.”

She ordered their drinks and returned a few moments later and sat down with a huff.

“What did you order?”

“Green-sodding-tea.”

Angela nodded approvingly and thanked the waiter that brought their drinks to them before leaning back and sipping from her sweet and caffeinated beverage.

“You have to take care of your heart Lena. The medicine will help but there’s no point in aggravating your situation any further.”

“Most doctors say I’ll be dead in a couple of years!”

“Most doctors said you’d be dead in a couple of months yet here ve are. Aren’t you so lucky to have met one that knows better ja?”

Lena scowled and sipped her tea; trying to at least appreciate the taste, she missed caffeine. She missed energy drinks and coffee and energy supplements and being able to eat chocolate whenever she wanted. She missed so many things and their replacements were underwhelming, disgusting, or just somehow lacking.

“Whatever you say luv.”

Angela sighed and set her cup down.

“So when did you meet this French girl?”

“Err six months ago? We met online about a year ago and were talking for about six months before we decided to meet up for some fun. She’s very strict about confidentiality; no names, won’t even let me know where she lives.”

“What a strange woman.”

“Hardly she’s just uptight about her bosses finding out or something, I know she works for a tech company and that she’s the head of a department but that’s about it. Oh and the CEO is a bigot ‘cause he’d fire her on the spot if he knew she liked women.”

Lena gave up on trying to appreciate the green tea and decided to just enjoy the fact that it was warm flavoured water; the taste be damned at least it was giving her body some vitality in the cold air of winter.

“This sounds like a fairly one sided relationship.”

Lena snorted and shook her head

“Not a relationship; she made that very clear. Very clear.”

She sounded almost bitter and was midway through a sip when her phone went off; she took it out and saw it was from “Widowmaker”.

_“Lets meet tonight.”_

She frowned and typed back;

**“Aren’t you in france?”**

“Is it her Lena?”

“Yeah she wants to meet tonight.”

“Tell her no.”

_“I can be back in England by ten.”_

“Why would I say no?”

“Because you don’t have enough time to waste on her. You clearly want more and if she’s not giving it to you then why do this to yourself?”

**“Sure. My place or hotel?”**

“I don’t have anyone else Angela; she’s better than nothing.”

_“Hotel. Nothing too intense I will be exhausted mistress.”_

**“Whatever you want pet xx”**

“Lena do you really want to keep this up?”

“I appreciate what you’re saying but you’re in a dedicated relationship and are getting laid consistently. At least this way the stone’s hitting a bird rather than missing the bush altogether.”

Angela tried to decipher that metaphor but gave up and just sipped her tea.

“ _This will be our last session.”_

Lena’s heart thudded in her chest and she inhaled sharply before throwing the phone to Angela.

“Happy?”

She read the message and was about to say something before Lena snatched the phone back and shoved it into her bag and got up.

“I’ve got a shift in an hour so I need to head back. I’ll talk to you later.”

Angela watched her friend leave the café and was suddenly compelled to let Fareeha know that she loved her; the resulting text was not only deeply moving but had Fareeha convinced that Angela was either dying or planning to propose. It was a struggle to decide which freaked her out more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have now technically given you more Sombra content than Blizzard has!
> 
> Also should I drop the accent or ramp it up to ten? Should I write a spin off about Sombra and Hana? These are important questions. 
> 
> More importantly thank you for all of your comments and compliments! I want to reply to them but then I bottle it cause I'm afraid I'll look stupid or reveal something that I might at a later date want to keep a secret.
> 
> But rest assured I've seen your comments and I love them!


	3. Chapter 3

It was in the tangled mess of limbs and strange emotions and blissful pain that Amelie felt alive again; somehow Lena managed to drive through her cold shell, managed to tear down her walls, and left her open and vulnerable. She relished these moments; wanting to hold on to them and desperately needing to let them go, to be so open to another person, to let someone take control for once.

It felt like freedom.

“Are you okay luv?”

Amelie blinked and looked up at Lena; the woman had a look of concern on her face and she shook her head and her mistress removed her gag and undid her bounds. She fell into Lena’s arms, clutching her and nuzzling her neck, shivering, it was the first time she’d shown weakness to anyone and being exposed like that felt raw, it felt honest.

Lena held her and gently stroked a hand through her hair and waited patiently for her lover to ground herself again. It took a few minutes for Amelie to calm down; Lena doting on her, holding her, letting her just exist for a little longer than a moment. When she finally recovered she inhaled slowly, her breath shuddering gently and she slowly extricated herself from her.

“I-I’m finished for tonight.”

“Okay luv.”

There’s an awkward pause and she begins to pull herself away but Lena stops her from leaving; she doesn’t fight back but instead allows herself to sink back into those warm arms and that familiar body.

“Don’t leave yet.”

Amelie nods and they lay there in silence; both terrified by the prospect of what the end of tonight meant. Neither knew how much they wanted the other and Amelie didn’t fully understand why she was denying herself this small pleasure.

“Why?”

Lena’s voice comes out in a croak. She sounds like she’s about to cry and Amelie sighs and sits up; this time Lena doesn’t pull her back but lays on the bed and watches her as she gets dressed again, an emptiness forming inside her and getting bigger with each article of clothing she puts on.

“Please tell me why.”

“Why does it matter? We agreed we’d keep it casual and we wouldn’t get attached. So we could cut it off whenever we wanted.”

“Because I’m stupid and attached and I want to know why you’re cutting it off now.”

There’s a pause and Amelie sighs;

“Because you’re attached.”

Lena falls silent and just nods; swallowing emotions and tears, letting them disappear inside her and laying back on the bed.

“We have the room for the rest of the night and it’s on my card; feel free to stay and use the bar or room service or whatever.”

She lingers and then she turns to Lena and gets on the bed and crawls over to Lena; placing a gentle kiss on her lips before pulling away.

“Goodbye. This time I mean it.”

The kiss hurts more than it heals but Lena’s grateful for it all the same; in the six months that they’d been seeing each other that was the first time that they had kissed. It was one of the rules they’d agreed on at the start; kissing meant affection, genuine affection, and that would only live in them like a poison.

“Goodbye.”

She doesn’t ask if she’s heading straight back to France or if she’s staying. Amelie leaves an expensive looking phone on the bed.

“That’s the phone I used to contact you; keep it. It’s only a liability to me now.”

Lena snorted but took it just the same; she unlocks it and flicks over to the camera reel and goes through all the candid pictures that Amelie had asked her to take over their sessions together.

“What do you want me to do with these?”

“Keep them. But if they end up on the internet I will know.”

“I’m in this pictures too y’know.”

“I can guarantee I have more to lose than you do.”

“Rude.”

Lena pouted before setting the phone to the side and sitting cross legged on the bed;

“Can you tell me your name?”

“We agreed no names.”

“We also agreed no kisses.”

Amelie sighed and leaned down and kiss Lena on the cheek before leaning in to whisper in her ear;

“Adieu mon Cherie.”

And then left. Lena sat there with a pout and a furious blush; it was unfair that she got to be that infuriatingly hot and smooth just as she dumped her. With Amelie gone she searched the room for her phone and found it under a discarded shirt and called Angela.

“Hello? Lena it’s eleven at night vhat’s wrong?”

“She just broke up with me but we’re booked into a fancy hotel room under her card and she said I could go nuts. Either I’m drinking with friends or I’m drinking alone but I refuse to be sober for more than a few more minutes.”

There was a groan followed by a few distant words she couldn’t quite make out.

“Can I bring Fareeha?”

“Hah she’s always a laugh when she’s drunk so hell yes!”

“Where’s the hotel?”

Amelie stumbled into the apartment she shared with her gremlin of a roommate at three in the morning; she had stopped off at a bar on the way home and drunk herself stupid. When she opened the door it was with a great deal of fumbling keys followed by the slamming of wood against wall, a drunk giggle, and another slamming of wood against door-frame.

Naturally Hana had come out of her room brandishing a baseball bat. She flicked the light switch on and nearly took off Amelie’s head with a wild swing. It was deftly diverted though; even drunk her self-defence training and reaction times were impressive. Hana let out a sigh of relief and then scowled at her.

“You’re drunk.”

“Oui oui oui!”

She said giddily as she collapsed on to their couch and stared up at the spinning ceiling; her stomach curled up and slowly began to try to climb out of her throat.

“What happened?”

Hana asked as she walked into their kitchen and began to make some coffee for herself; she had a sneaking suspicion that her roommate was going to keep her up all night anyway. It was rare to see her drunk but at least it was amusing; without the inhibitions of sobriety she was almost a completely different person.

“I broke the beautiful brunette’s heart! She wanted me to stay and I wanted to stay mon dieux but I didn’t! Why didn’t I stay?”

She groaned and rolled on to her left side and stared at the T.V. which was currently doing cart-wheels. With a huff she stumbled to her feet hesitantly and Hana walked over and helped her half walk half fall into their toilet. Like any good friend she held her hair back whilst Amelie retched into the basin. When she was done Amelie sighed and leaned against the wall with a groan.

“Oh by the way I need a favour.”

“You’re asking for a favour when you’re like this? What do you want?”

Amelie made to speak but then raised a finger and threw up into the toilet again, groaning in misery and thinking about the fact that she had to go into work tomorrow with what would probably be an exceptionally awful hangover on top of everything else.

“Are you wearing a collar?”

“I need you to go on a date with my assistant and am I still wearing the collar?”

“You’re still wearing the collar.”

She spewed her guts into the toilet again and groaned; glamorous she was not and now she had the humiliation of having worn the collar all the way home to weigh on her mind.

“What’s your assistant like? Are they cute?”

Hana asked as she stood up and returned with a glass of water; pressing it into Amelie’s hands and resting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“She’s okay, a little obsessive and controlling.”

“Great. Why do I need to date her?”

“She found out about Lena.”

Hana tilted her head to the side in confusion before something clicking inside her mind.

“You learned her name? Wasn’t that like one of your rules?”

“Sombra found out I was seeing her and then got every scrap of information on her that she could find. She’s ambitious, excessive and weird.”

A pause

“But cute; probably your type. I don’t know I can’t remember the last person you dated.”

“How did she know about me?”

“Stream… I… I think I’m going to go to sleep now.”

Hana sighed and rummaged through Amelie’s pockets before finding her work phone;

“Do you need to be in France tomorrow?”

Amelie shook her head slowly and then stopped because it made the spinning worse not better.

“She made me…. She made me…. Alive…”

Hana nodded and gently pat her on the head before getting up and returning with a blanket she wrapped around Amelie’s body.

“I… want to be alive Hana…”

“I know.”

She sighed and gently stroked her hair until she finally fell asleep.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“She didn’t even tell me her name! Her name!”

Tracer slurred as she stumbled down the street; Angela desperately trying to keep her upright whilst she waved and shouted animatedly, at least the streets were relatively quiet at this time of night. Fareeha stepped in front of Tracer and Angela passed her onto Fareeha’s back and her girlfriend hoisted Tracer up. She protested at first but then just slumped on to her back. Fareeha was a little surprised and a bit more concerned with how light she was; it was almost like there was no weight on her at all.

“I just wanted to know her name.”

“I know dear.”

Angela said softly; gently patting her head and stumbling next to her girlfriend down the street. Fareeha was the only one of the three completely sober and that was largely because she was bigger than both of them and had tried hard not to get too wasted; the last time she’d gotten really drunk they’d gotten banned from the karaoke place down their street.

“So what happened? “

Fareeha asked as they plodded down the street at a slow rate.

“I dunno she said I got attached! I mean I did but I thought she was attached! And she was! Just ‘cause her boss is a bigot I gotta be single.”  


She whined and groaned; burying her head against her shoulder.

“My chest hurts.”

Fareeha stops and Angela freezes; she walks over to Lena and takes her wrist and presses two fingers to try and get a read on her pulse.

“What kind of pain dear?”

“It hurts….. feels empty…”

Her pulse was fine and her cheeks were a rosy red, she put the paleness of the rest of her down to how cold it was out doors.

“Lena honey did you take the medicine?”

She nods tiredly and sighs, slowly dozing off on Fareeha’s back. Fareeha gives Angela a frown but she shakes her head.

“Let’s get back to the hotel room; I’ll keep an eye on her and if she gets bad then we’ll take her to the emergency room. I think she’s just feeling bad for herself.”

“Shut up…”

Lena mumbled and fell asleep on Fareeha’s back. The walk back to the hotel was slow and cold and when they got there they lay her out on the bed and Angela kept an eye on her the entire night, Fareeha tried to stay up with her girlfriend but eventually fell asleep in a chair. When Lena would wake up she’d find Angela curled up next to her and Fareeha passed out in the chair a few feet from the bed; she slowly disentangled herself from her friend and went to pick up her phone before rummaging through her bags and freezing.

Where was her heart medicine?

She took a deep breath to calm herself and then searched her bag again, and again, she could feel her heart hammering almost painfully in her chest as panic began to take hold. She found the bottle finally and fumbled with the lid before managing to get two of the small white pills out and swallowing them just as her alarm went off.

She turned it off quickly and looked over at the other two; the pair hadn’t even stirred and she let out a sigh of slight relief before heading over into the bathroom and examining herself in the mirror. She looked rough; her hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot, her makeup was smeared making her look like a clown.

To top it all off she also had work in two hours.

She groaned and pressed her forehead against the cool mirror but moved a little too fast and bashed her head against the thing. She pulled away with a hiss and a hand pressed against her forehead but as she stepped back she slipped and landed in a puddle of pain on the floor. She groaned and rolled on to her back and stared up at the ceiling; the realisation that she was now really romantically alone, that she couldn’t even close her eyes and pretend she had a relationship, left her feeling more isolated than ever.

She got up, showered, and got changed back into her clothes before heading out of the hotel and grabbing a taxi back to their apartment to get changed into her uniform. Angela and Fareeha would most likely appreciate being able to spend their day off in an expensive hotel room; knowing them they probably wouldn’t be leaving until a few hours after they had woken up.

Her mind is so pre-occupied with thoughts of the mysterious French woman that just left her life that she barely registers when a cab pulls up; she gets in, hands her address over and stares out the window and wonders what she should do with herself now. Her weekends were almost exclusively occupied with her sessions with her lover and now that her lover is gone she had an abundance of free time; the thought made her heart ache a little or maybe that was just her condition.

She showers and gets dressed into a black skirt, white shirt and black tie; the look suited her and she decided that she made a pretty hot waitress. She also decided that she was going to have some fun tonight and flirt with anyone that she deemed to be remotely interesting; life was too short, her life was even shorter, she’d given “Widowmaker” months of her time already. She wasn’t going to give her a second more.

The shift starts off slow and gradually picks up; the bar is a fairly hidden place in a nice part of town, outclassed by the other local establishments, but still popular enough to keep her busy for the whole evening. She was wiping down the bar counter when a familiar face entered the bar and she froze; the pair locked eyes with each other and there was a moment where the world seemed to burn away and all that existed was the distance between the two.

Then Lena went back to cleaning because there was no way in hell that her ex whose name she didn’t even know just walked into her bar the night after breaking up with her.

Amelie awoke late in the afternoon; her mouth tasting like sand and vomit, her body aching and freezing, and her head pounding like a jackhammer. She pulled herself up from her position on the bathroom floor and promptly washed her mouth out with enough mouthwash to drown a cat; once she’d gotten rid of the disgusting taste of last-nights alcohol and vomit she opened up the medicine cupboard and pulled out some painkillers and swallowed them with a mouthwash cap of water.

With damage control finished for the most part she took a look at herself in the mirror; messy hair, exhausted eyes, smeared makeup, yep she definitely looked awful. She sighed and pressed her head against the cool glass of the mirror before pulling herself out of the bathroom and into the living room where Hana was cooking a meal. She glanced over at the clock hanging from their wall and reasoned it was either an early dinner or a late lunch.

“Afternoon!”

She said with a cheery chirp that made Amelie want to throttle her; she got herself a glass of water and sat down, playing with the rim of it with her thumbs as she tried to piece together what happened last night. There was their impromptu session, then she broke up with Lena (was it really breaking up if they weren’t technically dating?) and then there was a bar and then like magic she woke up in her bathroom.

“I left your collar on the coffee table; I didn’t want to leave it on you in case you choked on it in your sleep or something.”

“My… no.”

“Yep; you were wearing the collar all night. Everyone saw you.”

Hana grinned and sat a bowl of something with noodles and meat and veg in it in front of Amelie and gave her a fork before pouring some for herself.

“I was going to save some to reheat tomorrow but it’ll help with the hangover and you threw up a lot last night so you must be hungry.”

Amelie was barely registering what Hana had said; all she could think was how she’d worn that collar, _Lena’s collar,_ all the way home. Why hadn’t Lena stopped her? Hadn’t she noticed? She stood up and walked over to the coffee table and picked up the collar; it was slim, orange, comforting in her fingers. Even now she had the urge to put it on and feel that familiar rightness, that reassurance that no matter what someone would be there to take care of her.

She dropped it on the kitchen table and stared at it whilst she ate the meal; she paused and pat herself down, finding her pockets empty she stood up to go find her purse.

“If you’re looking for your phone I have it. I’ve been texting that girl you were going to set me up on a blind date with.”

She groaned and sat back down at the table and watched as Hana typed into her phone; glaring at her maliciously whilst she worked.

“She’s cute but a little weird. I don’t think she’s realised it’s me she’s talking to; she’s a fan, I can tell, she knows so much about me and I haven’t told her a thing. She works in the cyber-security department right?”

“Oui.”

“Oh don’t speak like that.”

“French?”

“You only speak French when you’re sad or pissed off. You were going to set me up on a date with a stalker just so you could keep your own sordid secret a secret so don’t get frenchy with me.”

Amelie bristled at that;

“She’s not a stalker. She’s misguided; she was an orphan who learned to get whatever she wanted by taking it. I don’t think she knows _how_ to start a relationship with someone without trying to give herself the advantage. Everything is hackable to her; even people.”

Hana rolled her eyes and set the phone down and began to eat;

“I’ll meet her but I swear to god if she starts planting cameras in my room to watch me sleep I’m cutting it off.”

“That’s reasonable. I will talk to her about boundaries; she will probably ask for my help to get ready for the date anyway.”

Hana nodded as she ate; slurping up the food whilst she continued to tap away at Amelie’s phone.

“Isn’t it hypocritical of you to be criticising her when you’re doing something equally as bad? She has no idea she’s talking to you, as far as she knows she’s talking to me.”

“I’m aware but we got on to my favourite subject; me. She loves me to pieces and who am I to stop her gushing over her favourite celebrity.”

“Okay that’s quite enough.”

Amelie reached over and pulled her phone back across the table and Hana let out a whine of protest as her new source of fun was taken away.

“You’re meeting her tonight; I’ll come with you to stop either of you from blowing it.”

“Unfair! I was going to stream tonight.”

“Yes well mon Cherie you owe her something after deliberately deceiving her.”

“She knows every aspect of my life! I was just balancing things out.”

“She’s an anti-social orphan that grew up in poverty and doesn’t know any better. You’re Daddy’s little princess whose job is playing video games for millions of adoring fans; you _should_ know better. Or maybe you’re both equally dysfunctional.”

Amelie muttered the last bit to herself as she texted an address of a cute little bar she’d seen when she’d been out on a business excursion with a few of her colleagues. It had been a boring night and the last time she’d ever gone out with colleagues that weren’t Sombra but she had spotted the bar during the night and had made a mental note to check it out at some point (partly because it was sporting a rainbow flag in one of the windows and partly because it looked relatively quiet in comparison to the crowded spaces that populated the London scene).

**Wait tonight? This is so sudden I can’t do tonight!**

_Yes you can Sombra; it’s tonight or never._

**This is completely unfair Amelie I was in the middle of a project! Wait… are you with her now? Are you talking to Hana song Amelie? If she falls in love with you those pictures are going on every computer login screen at work.**

_Are threats the only conversation technique you know? Mon dieux we need to talk about acceptable social etiquette. Listen there is no need to worry she is not my type._

**Of course she is not your type you prefer girls that are a little more…**

_More what._

**What time should I meet her? What should I wear? Are we just staying at the bar or should I make reservations for somewhere? Amelie what do I do I’ve never been on a date.**

_Calm down I will come over and help you get ready._

**Thank you; I should probably shower and shave shouldn’t I?**

Amelie just stared at the message and groaned; this whole date idea was going to drive her crazy she could just tell.

“What is it? Did she say something?”

_Please shower before going on the date. As for shaving; do you think you’re going to get laid tonight?_

**You’re with her right now; do you think I’m going to get laid tonight?**

She took one look over at D.va who just stared at her with a smug smile.

_Don’t bother shaving._

**If you say so. I’m going to go shower; when will you be over?**

She glanced at the clock before turning to Hana.

“You’re meeting her at nine, I’m going to head over there in an hour to help her get ready. Could you please try to take this date seriously? My job may or may not depend on how well this goes.”

“I will give her a fair chance to impress me.”

_I’ll be over in an hour. Shower and I will help you pick out an outfit._

**Thank you Amelie**

She set the phone down and finished her food; her headache slowly dissipating and her nausea abating as she finished up the bowl. She dumped her bowl in the sink and ran a hand through her hair before looking over at the collar.

“I’ll do the dishes tomorrow; thank you for the food.”

“No problem.”

Hana set her dishes in the sink too and stretched before grinning over at her.

“Suppose I should probably go get ready for the date I now suddenly have.”

“If she can stomach being a fan of yours then she probably has low tastes to start off with. I wouldn’t worry too much.”

The girl pouted and glared at Amelie.

“I was joking and you know it. I’m going to go and help her get ready for the date and make sure she doesn’t blackmail me with the unwise way I spent my weekends.”

When she arrived at Sombra’s apartment she was surprised that it was not only in a relatively nice part of town but also that her door wasn’t covered in eviction notices. She rapped smartly on the door and it opened automatically; when she tried to step inside it hit something and she walked straight into it. She swore and rubbed her head before sliding inside through the small gap that the door had left for her to enter.

The clutter inside was exactly what she had expected; computers, parts of computers, and parts of tech she didn’t even recognised littered the floor. Empty computer towers were piled up against the door which had been what had stopped it from opening fully. She shut the door behind her and called out into the apartment; the place was dark save for one source of purple light coming from what she presumed was the living room.

“Sombra?”

“Give me a second.”

Amelie stepped over several pieces of technology and somehow found a chair she could sit on just lying in the hallway.

“What’s with all of the computers?”

“I told you I was in the middle of a project but no you had to rush me!”

Amelie chose to ignore the string of Spanish profanity that Sombra threw at her from somewhere; she flicked a light switch and was not surprised that rather than the light coming on a nearby motherboard caught fire. She stared at it for a second before calling;

“Do you have a fire extinguisher anywhere?”

“In the kitchen! Why what caught fire?”

Amelie find the small red canister and returned; spraying it down with some foam, more than a little worried that no fire alarms had gone off.

“Nothing important.”

“You didn’t turn the lights on did you?”

“Am I not supposed to turn the lights on?”

Sombra let out an exasperated groan and finally stepped out from a doorway wearing a towel around her body and one around her head; frowned down at the destroyed motherboard before indicating for Amelie to come step into her room.

“Please just don’t touch anything else.”

“What are you trying to do?”

She asked with mild curiosity before stepping into Sombra’s bedroom and walking straight over to her closet; what would grab Hana’s attention? Probably something gaming or anime related; she opened the closet and then stared blankly at the empty space.

“Where are all your clothes?”

Sombra walked over to a mirror and began drying her hair and glanced over her shoulder;

“You’re standing on them.”

She looks down at her feet and sees piles of clothes just spread out around the floor; she kicks a shirt across the room idly before fixing Sombra with a look of total defeat.

“Cher Dieu, elle est sans espoir”

She whispers to herself and Sombra stares blankly at her.

“Do you have any clean clothes?”

“These are clean!”

“I mean clothes you have cleaned since the last time you wore them.”

Sombra opens her mouth to argue but then decides to shut it. Amelie resists the urge to strangle her; throwing her arms up into the air in exasperation before bending down and sorting through the clothes. She assembles an outfit that looks presentable before grabbing a bottle of deodorant and spraying them all down and tossing them over at Sombra.

“Try those on.”

She says and sits down on the bed; Sombra hesitates before leaving and getting changed in her bathroom and stepping back into the room. Amelie takes a second to appraise Sombra’s outfit before shaking her head and sifting through all the clothes and finding another set, spraying them down with the deodorant, and throwing them at Sombra.

They get through about ten outfits like that; every time Amelie sending Sombra out with a new set of clothes to change into until finally she’s wearing something that Amelie considers both appropriate for a first date but not too appropriate.

“That will have to do; we’ve got half an hour to get to the bar, this took longer than I was expecting.”

She stands up and Sombra begins rifling through the piles of clothes until she finds her purse and checks she has everything.

“Got everything?”

Sombra nods solemnly and Amelie lets out a sigh of relief; finally she can leave this disaster area of an apartment. She wondered if it was a good idea to actually be arranging this date; she had to constantly push Hana to keep the apartment tidy, Sombra and Hana together? She shuddered a little at the thought. They leave her apartment, pausing in the hallway whilst Sombra fiddles with her key.

“Okay so she knows you watch her stream and are a fan bu-“

“Why would you tell her that? She probably thinks I’m a creep or a stalker or worse!”

“Sombra, honey, you are. However if you try to act casual and suppress some of your more… obsessive tendencies then she’s willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Sombra was already turning around and pulling her door open to hide in her apartment and Amelie grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her back down the hallway.

“This isn’t going to work, I’ve never been on a date before! I mean sure I’ve hooked up with people at clubs and stuff but it’s not the same I never had to talk to them are you even listening to me Amelie? Amelie? This isn’t going to work.”

Amelie growled and rounded on her with a scowl;

“Listen; I am very likely going to be single for the rest of my career at this god awful company, I just broke up with the only girl I was seeing because **_you_** decided to seriously infringe upon my privacy. Then you blackmail me to get you a date with someone you probably have unfair expectations of and think you know because you’ve stalked her for several months. You are going on this date.”

One of us should be happy.

She decides not to voice that thought.

Sombra stared down at her feet ashamedly and Amelie just tutted at her before nodding in the direction of the elevator and leading the way out of the apartment building.

“Do you want me to tell you about Hana or do you already have a profile on her sitting somewhere in your apartment?”

“I have a profile. How do you know her?”

“Huh? We’re friends. I was asked to be a guest speaker at her university a few years ago and we grabbed a drink after.”

“You certainly lead an exciting life Amelie.”

She snorts at that and shakes her head;

“Not anymore. I’m fairly certain that the only fun I have had since I got this promotion was the time I spent with Lena.”

“Don’t you go out with the other executives on those company evenings?”

“Hah no; too much work and too many men. I’m the only woman on the board and the way they talk to me you’d think I was their secretary.”

Sombra curses them in spanish and Amelie nods in agreement.

They get into Amelie’s car and there’s a moment of silence and then Sombra speaks up again;

“I could… cover your tracks for you.”

“What?”

“Cover your tracks. Like… erase your online presence, feed the higher-ups false info, that kind of stuff.”

“Why? I already broke up with her.”

“But you could get back with her!”

Amelie shook her head and gave Sombra a condescending smile.

“That’s not how it works; she probably wouldn’t want me back even if I begged her. Besides I don’t have any way of contacting her now; I gave her the phone I was using to call her, she does not have any other way to contact me other than through the website we met on and I’ve already taken steps to eradicate my presence there.”

“So what then? You just choose to be miserable and single?”

“Oui; it’s a choice. Better than having my career destroyed because of some bigot.”

“It sounds more like you have commitment issues.”

They pulled up to the red-light and Amelie glared over at Sombra.

“So what do you propose? I somehow track her down-“

“I have her address.”

“I track her down, get on my hands and knees, and beg her to take me back?”

“I mean you don’t have to be on your hands and knees that part is just personal preference. I mean you could just make it seem like your “breakup” was just a fucked up way of transitioning the “relationship” into an actual relationship.”

“No that’s stupid. Either she thinks I’m an idiot or she thinks I’m a psychopath and neither is good for me.”

“Idiots can be endearing.”

“I can assure you that Hana will not find idiocy attractive so if that’s your game plan I might just kill you now and save us both the effort of tonight.”

Sombra rolled her eyes and with the changing of the light Amelie took off again;

“I’m just saying that I can help you get in contact with her again, cover your ass, and you can make kinky fucked up love to her all you want. I won’t even charge you for the extra hours I’m going to have to put in keeping your relationship secret from the board.”

“I think that’s enough about my relationship. Here we are.”

“What? I’m not ready for this.”

Amelie resisted the urge to slap her by gripping the steering wheel with a grip that could probably break necks. She opened the door and slammed it shut and waited for Sombra to get out of the car so they could enter the bar.

“I’ll just be sitting at the bar, if there’s a problem just text me and we’ll meet in the bathroom or I’ll come bail you out.”

She opened the door to the bar and then froze as her eyes locked with the bartender and she’s pretty sure this is what a heart attack feels like.

“We have to leave.”

“What wh- Ohohohoho! No!”

Sombra pushed Amelie through the doorway and over to where Lena was cleaning, the pair sitting down and an awkward silence permeating the atmosphere before Lena finally addressed them. Or rather addressed Amelie;

“What do _you_ want.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a big one and is probably not so great in places but hey an update is an update right?
> 
> Right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where they cuddle; not the post-sex cuddles, those come later, but they cuddle so yeah.

“We’ll take two cocktails; what do you recommend?”

Lena glanced over at Sombra for a second before rolling her eyes;

“I’ll fix something up for you. Do you want it strong or are you still waiting for people to show up?”

“Actually I’m on a date so I guess strong enough to feel it but I still want to be coherent.”

“Gotcha.”

Lena moved up and down the bar and mixed in a variety of spirits and fresh-juices until what sat in front of Sombra was a sweet-smelling glass of red liquid. She took a sip of it and nodded before opening her purse and taking out some money to pay for the drink.

“I see it didn’t take long to replace me. Oh by the way luv if you want her to do anything for you get her in a collar, she’ll absolutely adore you for it.”

Amelie just sunk her head lower in her arms whilst Sombra laughed and nodded; gently patting her boss on the head whilst sipping from her drink.

“We’re not on a date, I am. She just happens to be helping me out but honestly I’m totally into this; Amelie is always so stiff and proper. Seeing someone actually embarrass her like this is a breath of fresh air.”

“Oh? Is that right _Amelie_? She was always so relaxed whenever we had our “dates”.”

Amelie looked over at Sombra and mouthed “Why did you tell her my name” but Sombra deliberately looked away and focused on her drink again, savouring the sweetness of it whilst she watched the entrance with obvious anticipation.

“So _Amelie_ is there anything I can do for you? Would you like a glass of wine? I’m going to have to insist you pay me first because you might just _leave_ without a proper explanation.”

“I gave you an explanation!”

“Your boss being an asshole is not a good enough reason to dump me!”

“I didn’t dump you! I jus-“

“Terminated a contract? Cut off all ties?”

“I didn’t want to! I could lose my job!”

“You don’t have to go bragging to your asshole boss about your new girlfriend! We could have kept it a secret!”

“She found out and threatened to report me.”

Sombra looked up from her drink and opened her mouth to speak and then decided to shut it because Lena was looking very unimpressed.

“I’m cutting you off.”

“What! I’ve only had one!”

“Tough you look drunk and smell like shit. In fact give me that; I’ll refund you.”

“What!”

Sombra protested as the drink was dragged away from her and stared at Amelie who was too busy staring blankly at the wall of drinks behind Lena. Lena stepped through into the kitchen and empty the drink into the sink before leaning against the wall and breathing slowly; pressing two fingers against her neck just under her chin and waiting until her pulse had calmed down. Her manager walked over with a concerned look on his face and rested a hand on her shoulder; he was huge, easily eight feet tall and built like a mountain so his hand felt like a bear’s paw and his voice rumbled like thunder.

“Lena is everything alright?”

“I’m fine, just… my ex just walked in. I’m calming down now.”

He nodded and handed her a small button and pointed at the pager on his hip.

“If you start to feel worse page me instantly, I vill not have you dying in my bar. That vould be very bad for business.”

He said with a grin and she just smiled and nodded before stepping out again; Sombra had moved to a table and was talking to some girl Lena didn’t recognise, Amelie had remained where she was though and she was just staring dumbly ahead. She sighed and mixed a drink for her before setting it in front of Amelie; even when they weren’t doing anything fun she had to take care of the girl.

“I’m sorry. It’s just I was expecting to have at least a few years before I ever saw you again. The next day is a little harsh.”

“You’re right.”

“Pardon luv?”

Amelie had mumbled the words under her breath before taking a sip of the drink; it tasted more like juice than alcohol but it was enough to give her a boost of confidence for now.

“You were right. We could have kept it a secret; I was a coward and I am sorry.”

Lena looked over her face for a moment; trying to detect any hints of sarcasm behind that cold mask before leaning on the counter and smiling at her.

“No need to apologise I get it. I’m just… mad. At you a little bit but mostly myself; you were honest from the start, I shouldn’t have expected you to be as invested as I was.”

There was an awkward pause and then Lena nodded over at Hana and Sombra; the pair seemed to be getting along fairly well, they were actually talking although Sombra looked like she was doing most of it.

“Looks like the date has gotten off to a good start although does she always wave her arms around in the air like that?”

Amelie glanced over at them before turning back to Lena.

“I stopped caring about their date. Honestly I’m just here because I have nowhere else to be on a…. what day is it?”

“Monday luv.”

“Monday evening. This bar seems as good a place as any and I guess I didn’t want to be alone.”

Lena smiles at that and begins to wipe down the bar; her and Amelie would occasionally glance over at Hana and Sombra getting along and though neither of them wanted to admit it they were both feeling a little jealous that they’d never gone on an actual date with the other.

“I want to see you again.”

“Huh?”

Lena stopped her cleaning and fixed Amelie with a puzzled look before shaking her head.

“No. Not casually. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Neither do I; I was thinking I could take you out to dinner sometime.”

“A date? Mon Dieux you are spoiling me. Why the sudden change of heart?”

Amelie nodded over at Sombra;

“She promised to cover my tracks if I started seeing you again and I trust her. She’s the best in the business at that kind of thing; besides if anyone asks I can just say you’re an old school friend or something.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Are you saying yes?”

There’s a pause and both stare each other down before Lena smirks and decides to give her another chance; she looked genuine enough and honestly it was easier than trying to meet someone else at this point.

“I guess I am.”

A grin crept its way up to Amelie’s face and she felt considerably less miserable than she had when she’d woken up this morning.

“Great! When does your shift end?”

“In about an hour; do you think your friends are safe to leave alone? You might find yourself locked out tonight.”

Hana and Sombra certainly seemed to be hitting it off;

“Huh… maybe she should’ve shaved…”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’ll be fine; I’ll find somewhere to stay.”

“Or you could… y’know… stay at m-“

“I’m not staying at yours.”

“Why not!”

She thought about the mess that was just…. Everywhere in Lena’s apartment and shuddered.

“Because I would have to clean it first before going to bed. There is a reason I left as soon as I could whenever we went to your place.”

Lena pouted and crossed her arms along her chest.

“My room is not that messy.”

Amelie hesitated before sighing; might as well start this relationship off on a good note.

“Fine. I will give it a shot but only on one condition.

“Sure! Anything!”

“You will let me clean your bedroom before we go to bed okay?”

“Are you joking?”

Amelie was not and it read clearly on her face;

“I knew you were kinky but that’s just weird.”

“I’m cleaning your room.”

“You’re cleaning my room.”

Lena nodded and gave her a wink before leaving her when she saw another customer step up to the bar. Amelie passes the evening with incidental flirting with Lena and the occasional drink; she wasn’t in the mood to get exceptionally drunk although she needed it if she was going to take this next step. She was decidedly nervous; the thought of staying at Lena’s, even if only for a night, made her feel anxious and as the hour came to an end and Lena finished up with her manager Amelie was unable to stop fidgeting.

“You okay luv?”

Lena asked as she pulled on her jacket and walked over to her; zipping up the front. Amelie just stared at her for a moment; taking in her face, her tussled brown hair, the bright smile on her lips and in her eyes. She got up and shook her head; silent for a moment. Lena walked over to her with a grin and pulled her down by the chin into a kiss.

Her lips tasted like tea and Amelie wanted a whole pot to herself.

“Shall we get going then?”

“Sure. I should tell them I’m leaving.”

Lena glanced over to where Hana and Sombra were sat and they were both waving over at Amelie and giving her a thumbs up. Amelie’s phone buzzed and she glanced down at it;

_I need the apartment for myself tonight._

She glanced over at Hana before responding;

**Fine, I’m staying at Lena’s. Have fun.**

With that she took Lena’s arm in hers and led the way out of the bar in a hurry.

Lena whistled when she saw Amelie’s car and ran a hand along the hood before walking over to the passenger door.

“You really are just made of cash aintcha?”

Amelie rolled her eyes and sat down in the driver’s seat and put the car into gear.

“That “cash” means I have to hide a very important part about myself from all but one of my co-workers. It’s like being a sheep inside a lion’s den. Sometimes I wonder if the money is worth it but then I remember of how boring it is to be hungry and freezing in winter and I get over it.”

The car spurred to life with a delightful hum and Lena was pretty sure she’d fallen more in love with the car than anything or anyone else in her life. She hopped into the passenger seat and ran her hands along the dashboard before glancing over at Amelie with a wide smile.

“Can I drive this sometime?”

“Are you into cars?”

“Just fast ones and this one looks like it could outpace a jet-engine. How much did it cost?”

Amelie shrugged and pulled them out of the parking lot.

“Around forty thousand I think? I don’t know I’m paying for it in instalments so probably more than advertised in the long run.”

“Forty thousand is more than what I make in a year; in fact it’s twice as much. Where do you work?”

Amelie ignored the question and drove through the London streets. Lights flashed into the car illuminating Lena’s excited face, those eyes glinting with something that made Amelie’s heart skip a beat.

“Amelie?”

“What?”

“Could you watch the road maybe?”

Amelie looked in front of her and nearly slammed on the breaks when she came up to a red light. Lena yelped and braced herself against the dashboard, a hand clutching at her chest as she took long deep breaths to calm herself.

“Are you okay? Sorry I just… got lost in thought I guess. Lena?”

“I’ll be fine just… give me a second.”

Lena’s heart thudded painfully but after a second the pain subsided and she was over it.

“Sorry… just… I can get panic attacks sometimes.”

A white lie; she was pretty sure the quickest way to get Amelie to retreat back into her shell was to tell her that she was dying. Amelie gave her a concerned look but nodded, the light turned green and they continued on their journey.

“Turn right here.”

“I know the way to your apartment.”

“This is a shortcut.”

Amelie glanced over at Lena and nodded slowly before turning right; Lena continued to give her instructions and soon Amelie was thoroughly lost. Before long the streets of London gave way to the countryside, a glance at the clock let Amelie know that they were well into the morning of tomorrow. Part of her wanted to turn back and head towards the city, towards the evening they had planned.

“Left.”

Amelie nodded and turned left down a dirt path and then right, then left again until they were thoroughly alone in the middle of a field somewhere. Lena instructed her to pull up and she did so, as the car rumbled to a stop Amelie killed the engine and looked over at her with curious eyes. Lena leaned in and kissed her; it was a long drawn out kiss that took Amelie by surprise, she hesitated before leaning into the kiss and sighing sadly when Lena finally pulled away.

“Lets get out.”

She grinned and undid her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, Amelie following her. The pair moved to the front of the car and leaned back on the hood; Lena staring up at the stars and Amelie staring over at her. When she shivered Amelie shifted in behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulders and hugging her tight in a warm embrace.

“Don’t you think they’re pretty?”

“The stars?”

Lena nodded and Amelie looked up at them for a moment; they were so cold, so distant to her, they barely shed any light on anything. The moon by comparison shun defiantly against the night; a stubborn refusal to give way to the darkness that encroached upon everywhere else. Of course she knew it was just a reflection of the sun’s own light but up there in the night sky it was hard to think of the moon as anything other than a shining light in its own right.

“I prefer the moon.”

Lena chuckled and looked over her shoulder at Amelie and kissed her softly on the lips. For a moment there was nothing but that kiss and Amelie wondered how Lena could freeze time for little moments like these, and imagined that it were possible to spend eternity like this or even just experience life as a series of these sweet Lena filled moments.

Lena pulled away from the kiss and leaned back into Amelie’s touch, resting against her before pulling away and tugging her by the hand towards the back of the car. There in the backseat Lena fell asleep, resting atop and entwined with Amelie. There was something enchanting about how passive, how at peace Lena looked asleep that Amelie found herself getting annoyed at all the evenings she’d wasted. All the opportunities to see her like this gone.

Amelie stared up at the roof of her car and wondered why she had ever denied herself this simple pleasure before. Her phone buzzed and after some awkward movement she managed to find it and opened it up to see a picture of a sleeping Sombra resting her head against Hana’s shoulder and Hana grinning smugly up at the camera. Both were clearly naked underneath the blanket and sporting the after-sex hair-style.

_How’s your evening going?_

Amelie snapped a quick picture of her and Lena and sent it back;

**Good; I fucked up, I think I fell in love.**

_Haha; are you guys in a car or something?_

**We are; I don’t know where we are but we’re not in London anymore. I’m glad the date went well; are you going to see her again?**

_Well your job kinda depends on it right?_

**Not anymore; feel free to kick her out of our apartment if you want. She said she’d help me either way.**

_…_

**You want an excuse to keep seeing her don’t you?**

_She’s so cute Amelie! Not to mention pretty great in the sack._

**I didn’t want to know that mon amis; I’m not stopping you from dating her.**

_Don’t you think it’d be weird having one of your subordinates date your roommate?_

**She doesn’t know you’re my roommate yet. I want to keep it that way until you move out and find your own place.**

_Wait why do I have to move out?_

**I pay 90% of the rent.**

_Touché. So… are you and Lena like dating now or is it more casual stuff?_

**I think we’re dating now. An actual relationship somehow feels different from what we had before; there’s a lot more… cuddling. Usually we only cuddled before after sex.**

_Seriously? You were really big on keeping the label of “not a relationship”. I’m surprised she didn’t just ditch you._

**I was always the one that needed the hugs.**

_I find that hard to believe._

**Aftercare is an important part of any healthy BDSM setting.**

_Ew. Ew. EW. I did not want to know about your weird sex-stuff._

**You saw the collar!**

_WAIT THAT’S ACTUALLY FOR THAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A WEIRD FASHION THING OR SOMETHING._

**How has this never come up? How did you never put two and two together?!?! I always came home with bruises!**

_I thought it was just rough sex!_

**I’m going to sleep now; I suggest you do the same. If Sombra is still in the apartment when I get home tomorrow I’m making you pay rent this month.**

_Nooooooooo! That new MOBAFPS Under-Ignore is coming out and I need the money to upgrade my PC so I can play it!_

**Then get rid of her before I come back.**

_Can’t I keep her? Please? Look how cute she is._

This was followed with another picture of Sombra looking exceptionally cute; Amelie smirked and blushed faintly, thinking that if it wasn’t for the age difference  and power imbalance between them and also the fact that that girl lived in a trash-filled hellhole she might’ve been interested in her.

**Fine but you have to take her for walks and feed her. I’m not doing it.**

_Ughhhh fine!_

**Goodnight Hana.**

_Wait before you go; I’m glad that you’re actually dating that british chick now. You always seemed happier after you got back from meeting her so I’m glad you’re actually sorting things out. You deserve to be happy._

**Thank you for the sentiment, I think that maybe I’ll be easier to live with. She makes me happy Hana.**

_I didn’t think anything could make the great Amelie Lacroix feel anything other than contempt; she must be doing something right._

**Goodnight Hana** _._

_Goodnight Amelie! Take your time getting back home tomorrow; I’m gonna see if I can get me laid again._


	6. Chapter 6

Sombra groaned and stretched out in a painfully empty bed and opened her eyes when she realised that there was a small Korean girl missing from the spot beside her. She sat up and ran a hand through her hair before rubbing her eyes, sniffing and grinning at the smell of cooking coming from somewhere in the apartment. She swung her legs out of the bed and stood up; searching through the clothing strewn across the floor before picking up a large shirt and pulling it over her body. It came down to her thighs and smelled of Hana; she took a deep breath of it and smiled before walking into the apartment.

“Hey.”

She snuck up behind Hana and wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulder to peer over and see what she was cooking.

“What’re you making?”

“Omelettes.”

Hana said and turned to kiss her softly on the lips before gently disentangling herself from Sombra and nudging her backwards so that she could deposit the food on a plate. There was already one sitting invitingly on a plate on the table. With the food served the pair sat down next to each other and began to eat.

“So….”

“Mmm?”

Hana glanced up from her food and over at Sombra.

“Do you wanna see each other again or was this just a one night stand.”

“That depends really.”

“On what?”

“I want to see you again but I also need a pretty big favour.”

Sombra shoved a forkful of food into her mouth, her body practically bristling defensively.

“What kind of favour?”

“It’s to do with Amelie. I need you to protect her relationship.”

“I already said I’d do that.”

“Well I want you to put twice as much effort as you were planning to put into it. Before she met Lena she was… isolated, depressed, and probably suicidal. She never told me just how bad she felt but I saw how she looked and honestly I was always scared that I’d come back here to find her in the bath-tub or something.”

Hana nudged her omelette with her fork and dropped it, losing her appetite all of a sudden.

“If it comes to it she’ll pick her job over her relationship every time but that’s because she’s scared of being happy. Lena makes her happy, happier than I’ve ever seen her before. I just want to make sure she doesn’t have to make that decision you know?”

Sombra nodded slowly and set her own fork down.

“I’ll watch out for her; I’m good at what I do, in fact I’m better than her to be honest but I’d never say it to her face. I owe her alot; she saved me from the slums in Brazil, brought me here with her, she’s like the big sister I never had.”

Hana smiles and nods before eating again. Sombra smirks over at her and sets down her fork;

“So how did I do?”

“About a six.”

“Six!”

She sputters indignantly;

“I’ve never had any complaints before!”

“How many people have you slept with before?”

“Including you?”

“Not including me.”

Sombra went very quiet and just focused on eating her food.

“Y-You were a virgin?”

“No! Y-you were just… the first girl.”

Hana smiled widely at Sombra and continued to eat.

“So how was  _ I _ then?”

Sombra blushed furiously and looked away and focused on eating the breakfast that had been cooked for her.

“That good then?”

“It was alright.”

She muttered and Hana beamed with pride.

There were worse ways to wake up than on top of a beautiful French woman Lena decided although she wasn’t a fan of the way that the temperature had plummeted in the car overnight, she reached for her phone without moving from her position and checked her alarm. Great she had to take her pills in like ten minutes but they were in her bag at the front of the car and taking them meant that she had to move from her comfortable position on top of Amelie.

It was a tough decision; the thought of dying with her head resting on Amelie’s bust was a little appealing but in the end she climbed into the front of the car awkwardly, avoiding disturbing Amelie and quietly swallowing her daily dose. She shuddered as they went down without water and lay back in the passenger seat and ran a hand through her hair, sighing and glancing back at her lover’s sleeping form.

She sat there for nearly ten minutes, just watching her sleep, smiling fondly when the woman finally stirred awake. Her eyes slowly opened and she smiled over at Lena before slowly sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What happened to spending the night at your place?”

Lena leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.

“This was more fun. Hey question; ever had morning sex in the back of a car?”

Amelie grinned and pecked her on the nose.

“What an odd question. I can’t say that I have cherie.”

“Would you like to?”

It was another two hours before the car finally moved from its position.

“So what’s the plan?”

Lena asked as Amelie put the car into gear, before pulling out the french woman glanced at her phone and sighed, throwing it onto the backseat in frustration.

“I’m going to drop you off home and then head to the airport. Our offices in france have had a serious security breach and I need to be there to manage the recovery period.”

“Oh, when can we see each other again?”

Amelie glance over at her for a second before avoiding the question by pulling the car out of where they were parked and getting on to something resembling a road.

“I don’t know; security breaches can take months to fix and I’ll have to be hands on the entire time.”

“Well why don’t I go to France and stay with you then? I mean we’ve been technically seeing each other for a while so it wouldn’t be that weird to spend that much time together, I can get time off from work and I could be like your maid and stuff whilst you’re working. Then we could go on cute dates around Paris an-”

“No.”

“Why not!”

“As much as the thought of you in a maid outfit tempts me.”

It did tempt her; it tempted her a great deal, it was a thought she was saving for later when she was alone.

“I didn’t mean a literal maid but I certainly can wear the outfit if you’d like.“

Lena kissed her on the cheek playfully; her hands slowly roaming down her body and to the inside of her thighs, Amelie blushed furiously but shook her head again.

“Think about it; you come home after a long day, the house is spotless, dinner is ready and so am I. It’s a cute little black and white thing; the dress barely reaches my thighs, the top is just begging to be ripped off and I-”

“The apartment is watched twenty four-seven to make sure employees don’t misuse it. People would know, they would see, I’m sorry but you just can’t.

Lena sighed and sunk in her seat, gazing out of the window and trying to look as unhappy as she possibly could.

“ _ However _ if we’re discreet and stay at another hotel instead, I suppose you could come visit for a few days and we could perhaps go on a romantic date at the top of the Eiffel tower or whatever you English think is romantic to do in Paris.”

“Won’t they notice that you won’t come back to the apartment?”

She shrugged

“I’ll figure something out.”

“You were being serious last night weren’t you? About taking this seriously?”

“Why would I lie?”

Lena hesitated and shrugged non-committedly, tugging her own shirt sleeve nervously. She hadn’t anticipated Amelie actually wanting to commit..

“I just figured you were trying to get back in my pants. I don’t know, I had no reason to expect this time around to be any different.”

There’s a pause and Amelie sighs.

“I suppose I deserve that. I was being honest; I want to be with you, not just as a fling, I want to spend more time with you. I just need to figure out how to make this work; if it were up to me you wouldn’t even be a secret.”

“It’s okay I get it; your boss is a dick.”

“He is in fact a dick.”

An uneasy silence fell over the car, Amelie cursing herself internally for messing up the date at the last possible moment. Lena reached out and turned on the radio, music filled what conversation left empty and they were back in London before either of them spoke again.

“Stay for breakfast. If I tell my roommates that I’m back with you they’ll just lecture me about you manipulating me or something, stay over for a bit. Angela is just dying to meet you to be honest.”

Amelie glanced down at her watch; she was going to be a whole day late for work anyway so what was another few hours.

“Sure; I suppose I should finally meet them. I’ve been to your place enough I’m surprised I haven’t seen them before.”

“Yeah funny that. It’s almost as though they were avoiding us because we had weird kinky sex really loudly in my room.”

Amelie opened her mouth to argue but decided better of it; the traffic was gradually building but they managed to get to Lena’s apartment before it got deadlocked. She parked in the lot underground and Lena lead the way over to the elevator. At some point their hands brushed together and a moment later they were holding hands, neither made a move to pull away but Amelie was visibly blushing.

“Have you ever had a relationship before?”

“Once. I was married, he was a nice man but in the end it didn’t work out.”

“How come?”

“He was a man.”

Lena chuckled and leaned her head against Amelie’s shoulder, Amelie smiled down at her and stepped out into the hallway once the doors opened out onto Lena’s floor. Outside of her door, whilst Lena fumbled with the keys, Amelie finally began to feel nervous.Lena’s friends probably didn’t have a good impression of her; especially considering she had just broken up with her the other day.

“Hey! I’m home!”

Lena called out into the apartment;

“Ve are in zee kitchen Lena! Do you vant a pancake?”

“I’d love one; make it two I’ve got a guest!”

“A guest?”

Amelie stood awkwardly in the doorway but Lena pulled her in by her hand; a dark skinned woman poked her head out from the kitchen and was about to say something before pausing, her mouthing hanging open. She mouthed “give me one moment” to Lena before closing the door to the kitchen.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

There was the sound of vague shouting and slamming pots and pans and suddenly the door swings open and a furious blonde woman steps out into the hallway.

“Lena can ve talk.”

“Intervention?”

“Intervention.”

“I’ll be right back; don’t go anywhere.”

Lena kissed Amelie on the cheek, locked the door to the apartment behind her and followed Angela into one of their rooms. Fareeha just stood there awkwardly before nodding at the kitchen;

“Pancakes?”

“Sounds delicious. Have we met before? You look familiar.”

“I work for Helix security so I get around; we do freelance security for a lot of places.”

Amelie stepped into the kitchen and stared at the mess that the pair had made;

“Have you ever made pancakes before?”

“Angela was teaching me.”

There were at least three pancakes not on plates or in the pan; one was stuck to the ceiling somehow, another was gently circling the room on the fan on the ceiling, and a third had somehow managed to find itself outside the kitchen window and hanging precariously off the window ledge. Amelie took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeves;

“Allow me.”

She examined the mix they had made before checking the fridge and then starting over again; she emptied the old mix into the sink and ran water before making a new mix that looked considerably smoother and lighter than the mess before it.

“Okay so you want to make sure that the pan is suitably hot.”

She dabbed a few drops of water on the pan and it sizzled, she nodded in a satisfactory fashion.

“Okay get the mix and just pour enough so that it touches the edges.”

She steps away and lets Fareeha take control;

“Ever do a shift at Talon?”

“A few; they paid better than anywhere else.”

“Did you like it? I could probably pull some strings and get you a permanent position there.”

“I might take you up on that offer. Okay what now?”

“Just leave it for a moment; how long have you been working for Helix Security?”

“Since I left the air force; so about two years I think? I don’t know, I’ve not been keeping track of the time to be honest.”

“Okay; now you grip the pan like this.”

She steps in behind Fareeha and guides her hands, slowly lifting the pan up and flipping the pancake. It flips once in the air before landing neatly back in the pan.

“See! Just like that; okay let's try again.”

Fareeha grinned and nodded and flipped the pancake, catching it again and glancing over her shoulder at Amelie.

“And that is how you flip a panca-”

Angela clears her throat in the doorway and both Amelie and Fareeha glance over at her and Lena and grin.

“Are you two… okay?”

Lena asked, Amelie glanced over at Fareeha and grinned before stepping away.

“I was just showing her how to flip a pancake.”

Angela walked straight over to Fareeha and pulled her down into an intense kiss; Lena and Amelie awkwardly shuffled over to the table..

“Mein.”

Angela murmured and Fareeha nodded, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Yours.”

Angela pivoted on the spot and walked over to Amelie.

“Are you going to dump Lena like a sack of bricks again.”

Amelie shook her head mutely, looking up wide eyed at the imposing figure of a woman that had to be four or five inches shorter than her.

“Good. Don’t. Now; pancakes!”

Amelie glanced over at Lena who was just twiddling her thumbs quietly whilst Angela and Fareeha made pancakes for all four of them, the blonde sitting down next to Amelie and watching her warily out of the corner of her eye.

“You mentioned you were in the air force? Where were you deployed?”

“I served in the egyptian air-force and mostly just flew reconnaissance missions. I quit after a crash took both my legs.”

“Both your legs?”

Fareeha grinned and lifted her legs up to show; sure enough just above the knee there was a faint line of darker skin all around her leg.

“I met Angela in a military hospital. They were pioneering some fancy new prosthetics and she got me on the project. I asked her out for lunch one time and here we are a year and a half later in England.”

Amelie nodded in admiration before leaning in;

“Can I?”

“Go ahead; they feel and act just like the real thing although there’s metal underneath all that fake muscle.”

Amelie touched the line of scar tissue and Angela cleared her throat;

“So. Amelie. You work for Talon right? You know they own the patent  to that new painkiller detoxiprotin correct?”

Amelie nodded slowly;

“I had heard that we had acquired a new patent.”

“Well your company marked up the cost of the drug by about five hundred percent despite the fact that millions could benefit from it. Did you know it’s the most effective treatment for chronic pain we’ve developed so far?”

“I did not. I am just head of cyber-security I don-”

“Did you know Fareeha suffers from chronic pain don’t you dear?”

Fareeha just looked down at her pancake trying hard not to contribute to the tension that was slowly building.

“Angela you’ve made your poi-”

Lena interjected before being cut off by the angry blonde.

“Why did you take her back? She led you on for what? Six months? Longer? Then she just dumped you like it was nothing and she just comes back to you the next day and you give her a free pass?”

“I didn’t dump her like it was nothing.”

Amelie protested

“I’m curious; is your relationship going to be public or are you still keeping it a secret?”

“I don’t exactly have a cho-”

“If you can’t stomach your relationship being public knowledge then here’s a suggestion; don’t date someone. Lena seems to think you were genuine about wanting to take the relationship a bit more seriously this time but I find it hard to believe that your worldview changed over night. You still want to hide her away, you still won’t let her even see your place, and I’m willing to bet you’re still willing to drop her as soon as your position is threatened.”

“That’s enough Angela.”

“Fareeha she doesn’t have time to waste on someone like he-”

“Angela!”

Fareeha glared her down and the blonde girl glared back.

“I’m not some fragile little girl made of glass Angela.”

Lena finally chimed in, frowning down at her plate.

“I understand why you’re concerned but I’m fine with it, honestly I am, and if Amelie needs to cut things off at some point down the line then that’s fine too.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t have time?”

Amelie asked but was met by silence as both Fareeha and Angela glanced over at Lena, the only answer she got was a weak smile from the english girl.

“Just a turn of phrase, I’m not getting any younger y’know?”

“Right.”

Amelie filed that away under “things to pursue further” and decided to let it drop. Angela stood up abruptly and left, Fareeha sighed and left it a few moments before getting up after her;

“I’m sorry she’s usually more reasonable than this. It was nice to meet you, Amelie right?”

“Oui.”

Fareeha tried to give her a reassuring smile but it didn’t help to relieve the anxiety that was slowly building in Amelie. As she left Amelie turned to face Lena with a defeated smile;

“Well…”

“That went well I think! I mean she didn’t throw anything at you or kick you out so I guess she’s willing to at least give you a chance.”

“That was giving me a chance?”

“She’s just… worried about me I guess. I’ve been in bad relationships in the past so I guess she doesn’t want me to slip into old habits.”

“How exactly did you meet her?”

“We went to the same university in switzerland, I was an exchange student and she spoke pretty good english so we just kinda got close because of that.”

Amelie grinned and raised an eyebrow at that;

“You ever sle-”

“No although not for lack of trying on my part. She’s not into English girls apparently.”

“That’s a shame; do you think she’d be into french girls?”

“Probably. You know I’m going to have to punish you pretty harshly next time I get a chance right?”

“Because of that comment or because of Fareeha?”

“Both.”

Amelie poked her tongue out at Lena who just grinned back.

“I’m sorry she spoke to you like that.”

“It’s fine; she is absolutely right, I work for an evil company but it pays better than anywhere else and I don’t make any of the evil decisions.”

Amelie glanced around the kitchen and shuddered a little at the mess, her hands flexing a little before she finally stood up and rolled up her sleeves.

“Can I clean this place before I leave?”

“Ugh… sure. I don’t think cleaning the place is going to make Angela feel better about you though.”

Amelie shrugged; there was no sane way of saying “if I don’t clean this place up I might tear the skin off my arms” so she settled.

“I’ll do it anyway.”

Lena nodded and got up whilst Amelie emptied out the sink and filled it up with fresh warm water. She added washing liquid to the sink and began to place the dishes in it. Lena walked over and began to empty the drying rack whilst Amelie worked, putting plates and dishes away and occasionally glancing over at the french woman so focused on cleaning up their kitchen. She leaned in suddenly, her breath hot against the back of Amelie’s neck and her arms wrapped gently around her waist.

“You’re not going to just dump me again are you.”

She said softly into Amelie’s shirt, nuzzling against the back of her. Amelie gently rested her damp hands on Lena’s and stood there for a moment to take in how right it felt to be in those arms.

“I don’t plan to. I don’t want to.”

“But your job comes first right?”

There was a long silence and Lena pulled away, Amelie didn’t look away from the sink and flinched when the door was slammed. She dried her hands and grabbed her things; when she walked to the door she wasn’t surprised to find that someone had unlocked it. Her hand gripped the handle and for a moment she wanted to stay, to not mess up this chance that Lena was giving her.

Lena nearly had a heart attack when Amelie swung the door to her room open;

“Come to France with me. Today. I’ll pay for your ticket.”

“But where would I sta-”

“At the apartment with me.”

“But you said they monitor that place.”

“I’ll figure something out.  _ We  _ will figure something out. Just come with me; do you have a passport? Can you get the time off?”

“I mean I have plenty of holiday days saved up so that’s no issue but don’t you like need to pay for your tickets in advance or-”

“Do. You. Want. To. Come. Or. Not.”

Lena stared at her like she’d gone mad before bounding off her bed and pulling Amelie into a passionate kiss. When she pulled away she was practically breathless, her heart hammering in her chest.

“Of course I bloody do you idiot.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that your enjoyment of this chapter is inversely proportional to the level of suffering I experienced whilst writing it.
> 
> I have a tumblr btw! Follow me and drop in writing prompts/requests!
> 
> http://sirhate.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

“You’re  _ what.” _

“Me and Lena are going to be staying at the company apartment in Paris. I need you to to mess with the surveillance inside the apartment.”

Sombra groaned on the other end of the phone and Amelie smiled to herself; she was standing outside Lena’s apartment whilst the girl packed, and leaning against a wall.

“How long?”

“About a month.”

“ _ A month.” _

“Can you do it or not?”

There’s a crash and the phone abruptly cuts out. A few seconds later Hana’s number appears on her phone and a very exasperated Sombra answers;

“Fine.”

“Thank you Sombra. This means a lo-”

“Not for you.”

Amelie chuckles.

“Can I speak to Hana?”

The phone changes hands and someone swears loudly in spanish in the background.

“We were having a nice breakfast; what did you ask her to do?”

“Just a small favour. Thanks for backing me up on this.”

“No problem. Do you want me to get rid of her so that you can come over and pack?”

She asks in a hushed voice.

“No; she’ll find out eventually, might as well be today. We’ll be over in about half an hour.”

“That’s just long enough.”

“What?”

The phone hangs up. Amelie groans and decides to take forty five minutes getting back to the apartment instead. Lena comes out with a trunk trailing behind her and a large bag slung over her shoulder.

“Got your passport?”

“Oui!”

“Non non non.”

Amelie presses a finger against Lena’s lips.

“No french. Please. Don’t make me second-guess myself.”

Lena grins behind the finger and kisses the tip of it before nodding. Downstairs she throws her stuff into the trunk of the car and shuts it before hopping into the passenger seat; her body was practically buzzing with excitement.

“Have you ever been to france before?”

“Once or twice! But they were only for a couple of days, i’ve never stayed there for longer than a week.”

“Joking aside how much french do you actually know?”

“Assez pour parler le pantalon d'une fille française”

Amelie rolled her eyes and the car took off. Lena leaned against the window and grinned; Amelie couldn’t shake the image of a puppy being taken for a walk; then she thought of Lena in a collar, then she thought of collars, then by the time they’d pulled up in the car-park of her own apartment she was blushing furiously and deliberately trying to ignore Lena’s prying questions.

“Okay so there is probably going to be a lot of swearing in spanish and maybe one or two pieces of furniture hurled at me so stand about two feet to the left of me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well my colleague was telling me about how big of a crush she had on this streamer Hana Song and I mostly brushed it off. Hana Song is my roommate and last night I set her up on a date with said colleague; the one you saw me with.”

“So she’s going to be pissed that you didn’t mention you lived with her celebrity crush?”

“She is generally a angry individual but this will probably be… this will probably be special.”

She paused outside the door to her apartment before hesitating and remembering what Hana had said and rung the doorbell rather than just opening the door. There was the sound of someone clumsily stumbling over to the door followed by a series of bolts being pulled back and then finally Sombra wearing nothing but a blanket around her chest stood in the doorway.

“Boss?”

“Oui.”

“What- the date went fine we were just… in the middle of something. What do you want?”

“Do you want me to tell her Amelie?”

Hana’s voice came from the couch and Sombra glanced back over her shoulder at her and then back at Amelie.

“You two… are together?”

She said with a hint of fear in her voice and a look of terror on her face.

“Non. Hana is not my type; too vanilla.”

“Then why are you here!”

“I live here.”

She grins more than she probably should and pushes past Sombra, leading Lena into her apartment for the first time ever. It felt strange bringing Lena back to her apartment for a change but also good; she hoped that it would send the message that she was being genuine about wanting to commit to the relationship.

“Luv no offence but if you live in this  _ palace _ why the fuck were we always at mine?”

“If you were more discreet I would have brought you back here but now that I have my best woman covering me I don’t have to worry about it. Isn’t that right Sombra? Oh put that vase down it was worth more than a year of your pay.”

Sombra took a deep breath and put the vase back on a table before looking over at Hana and with a conflicted expression. There was a moment between them and then Sombra stormed off back into Hana’s room.

“Hmm I thought there’d be more yelling.”

Amelie remarked

“I think I tired her out a bit.”

Amelie made a face at that

““At least she’s not french; made a nice change waking up to someone that wasn’t you. Lena right? It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. If you ever wanna find out how obsessed she actually is with you just give me a call; she actually ha-”

“That is quite enough. Lena I’m going to go pack and you; remember who pays rent for this place.”

Hana rolled her eyes and got up and stretched; Lena blushing as the sheets gave way to Hana’s nude body.

“You’re not exactly shy are you?”

The brit said with only a hint of a grin.

“What’s there to be shy about?”

Hana winked as she grabbed a discarded shirt and threw it over her body and walked into the kitchen to begin washing her hands.

“Do you want any breakfast? Tea?”

“Do you have decaf?”

“I can certainly check; we kinda just grab one of each whenever we go out shopping. I think Amelie has a weird infatuation with english the stuff. I always thought the french liked coffee.”

She opened up a cupboard that was ram packed with teas of various flavours, qualities and prices. She rummaged through them before finding one that had decaf on it in big red letters.

“Will this do?”

Lena took the box and glanced at the back before shaking her head and handing it back.

“I’ll just have a glass of water actually.”

“Not a fan of caffeine?”

“It’s kind of lethal for me.”

“Wait seriously?”

Lena nods and Hana shrugs before grabbing a glass from another cupboard and pouring Lena a glass of water from the tap and handing it to her. She then puts the kettle on, yawns, and sits down at the dining table before noticing the collar that Amelie had left there yesterday and tossing it over at Lena.

“That yours?”

“I’m not the one that wears it but yeah; so you not into the same stuff as Amelie?”

“Not really; good sex is good sex, why make it complicated with all the elaborate decorations and stuff.”

“Sometimes sex isn’t about sex; in fact most of the time it’s not about sex. For Amelie it’s about power or rather a lack of it I guess.”

Hana shrugs;

“Not all of us are as high-strung and power-driven as Amelie is.”

“What if your date is into this stuff?”

“Then I guess I’ll experiment. It’s not like I’ll say no it’s just not my first choice. Although the collar is kind of cute.”

“Wanna try it on?”

Lena said with a grin and pushed the collar across the table towards Hana who teased it with her fingers for a second before shrugging and snapping the thing around her neck.

“How do I look?”

She said with a small flourish causing Lena to laugh and shake her head;

“Can’t say that it suits you; maybe you’d look better all in leather.”

“Maybe.”

“How’s it feel?”

“A little mundane to be honest but I used to wear similar stuff to this as a fashion choice when I was a teen so I guess it’s just not got that… feeling of taboo around it that it’s supposed to have.”

She took off the collar and twirled it in her fingers before noticing the label;

“Fleur Douce?”

“Amelie prefers words with a little more sting but when we’re not getting… rough, I like her to have something I can say that doesn’t make me feel guilty.”

Hana tossed the collar back over and Lena turned it over in her fingers.

“How’d you guys met?”

“She never told you?”

“I could tell you what she said to me or I could not make you guys have an argument on the first day of your little holiday together.”

“Fair enough. We met online through an enthusiast's website. It’s kind of hard to find people with our tastes, even harder to find ones that are gay women.”

The kettle turned itself off and Hana got up and poured the hot water into a mug with a tea bag and began to stir it. Lena leaned back on the seat and stared at the collar curiously; reminiscing on the importance that the trivial object held in her relationship.

“What’s it like?”

Lena snapped out of her musing and glanced up at Hana.

“What’s what like?”

“Being in a relationship like that? I mean there’s gotta be some element of it outside of just the bedroom right?”

“It is a little intense but that’s how we like it; I feel powerless and Amelie feels the opposite. When we step into the roles we do we balance our needs out so naturally we carry an aspect of that whenever we finished a scene you know? Once you’ve done that the dynamic never really leaves you. If I don’t tell her to take the collar off for example she kind of just leaves it on? I think it makes her feel better, wanted, owned.”

Hana nodded and poured milk and added way too much sugar to her tea before sitting down across from Lena.

“What about you?”

“Hmmm?”

“You just described Amelie but I could’ve told you that; what about you?”

Lena set the collar down and thought about Amelie;  _ her _ Amelie. Her obedient lover. She thought about the fact that Amelie had come back to her, the fact that Amelie leaving had left her feeling lonely and lost, or how as the time between their meetings got further and further apart she felt the need to exercise greater and greater control over the bedroom. She imagined Amelie in the arms of another, a blank face, and felt jealous and possessive and above all  _ angry _ . Angry that  _ someone else  _ was touching what  _ belonged _ to her.

“I think I need to see a therapist.”

Hana laughed at that and Lena chuckled nervously; sipping the water and in an attempt to dispel the dark thoughts clouding her mind she she was about to turn the conversation to another avenue before Sombra stormed out of Hana’s room fully dressed.

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

Hana called out as she walked past.

“No!”

“What about another date!”

There’s a pause in the doorway and Hana smiled smugly to herself.

“How’s next saturday?”

She asked before taking a sip from her tea.

“I’ll let you know. Apparently my workload just  _ doubled _ . You better be worth the effort.”

The last part was thrown like a knife in Lena’s direction and she looked away; unsure about whether or not she was actually worth the inconvenience she was putting the girl through. Lena glanced over at Hana as the front door slammed shut.

“Do you actually like her?”

“She is  _ fantastic _ in the sack. I told her she was only a six this morning and felt so guilty but to be quite honest if that’s what she’s like when she’s  _ not _ trying to impress I can’t wait until our second date.”

“Not exactly what I asked.”

Hana rolled her eyes and set her mug down and stared at the dark contents.

“She is earnest, sweet but also kind of cocky. She has a tendency to ramble about whatever she’s talking about and not really go anywhere but it’s kind of cute because she’s so… genuine about what she’s talking about. So yeah I do like her but I probably wouldn’t have agreed to meet her if Amelie hadn’t asked for it as a favour? She’s not really my type.”

“Well what is your type?”

Hana considered the question for a moment before shrugging;

“Someone who isn’t a fan to be honest. I’m worried she might idolise me a little and that could be… stressful. My experience with my fans hasn’t been as pleasant as most other celebrities; a lot of stalkers, a lot of harassment. I live with Amelie because this place is one of the, safest buildings in London and Amelie knows like four martial arts or something. She’s been giving me lessons when she can.”

“That sounds rough luv; what happens if a fan finds out you live here?”

“Then I’ll have to move again. I’ve done it a lot in the past but Amelie has helped me settle down and moving again… wouldn’t be fun.”

There’s an awkward silence between them and then Amelie finally returns with her luggage in tow and a bright smile on her face.

“I’m packed and ready to leave. Hana you have my number, call me if anything happens. I will be gone for a few months most likely, try not to burn down the apartment whilst I’m gone.”

“I won’t. I’ll help Sombra out where I can although I think she might want some time to cool off after this latest revelation. Have fun Amelie.”

Amelie smiled and nodded towards the door, Lena got up and pecked her lightly on the cheek before heading out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late, it's short, I'm not sorry (I am so sorry).

A private jet to france and a step into a limo later and Lena was starting to realise that she may be punching far far above her own weight. The display of such audacious importance and wealth by her lover, whether intentional or not, left her feeling a little uncomfortable. Just who was Amelie? The head of cyber-security for some company? Was such a person really worth all this expense just to get back where she was going and was Amelie really putting all of this luxury, this lifestyle, at risk just to be with her.

“What’s wrong?”

Lena glanced over at Amelie before shrugging self-consciously and moving up to sit next to her and rest her head on her shoulder. The driver could be trusted to be discreet according to Amelie and right now she was feeling cuddly.

“I live in a shitty apartment in the ass-end of London and you take private jet to france and then ride in a limo that takes you all the way to some high-class apartment in Paris. It’s just… weird that there’s such a big gap between us.”

Amelie wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close.

“I will admit that my career and financial situation were another reason why I never brought you back to my apartment. I was afraid that you would treat me differently, or worse, I would treat you differently.”

“Well it’s not exactly something that’s just gonna disappear over night Amelie. This is the second time I’ve been in a limo my entire life.”

“This is just for today; I wanted to make your first day in Paris a nice one.”

Lena grinned and leaned up; pecking Amelie lightly on the lips.

“Never figured you were the romantic type.”

“I’m french. Our blood is a third wine, a third condescension and a third romance.”

“Where do you get that submissive streak from then?”

Amelie blushed and looked away whilst Lena just nestled up against her;

“Were you worried I would try and take advantage of your money? Blackmail you or something?”

Amelie nodded at that before responding;

“Wouldn’t you if you were me?”

Lena nodded after some time and decided that this conversation was probably going to lead into an argument at some point so might as well drop it.

“Does the gap bother you that much? You are the one with all the power in our dynamic; are you afraid that it undermines your authority.”

Lena snorted at that and kissed Amelie on the cheek;

“That’s cute but I don’t need aeroplanes, limos and a spacious apartment in Paris to let you know that I’m the one in charge. It’s sweet that you’re worried about that though.”

Amelie blushed faintly and then kissed Lena on the lips; lingering for a second longer than she probably should, no point in doing anything unnecessary to catch the driver's attention even if he had promised to be discreet.

“As long as you don’t ask me to call you sugar-mommy or something like I think we’re good. I take it you’re going to have to head straight into work after we get to the apartment?”

“Oui. I’ve put them off for two days already and I’m getting the impression that whatever happened was pretty big. I’ll be back sometime in the evening but don’t wait up for me; they’ll probably try to hold me until midnight. There’s nothing to be done about it, they get what they want one way or the other.”

Lena huffed at that and rested her head on Amelie’s shoulder; she knew Amelie would be spending some time at work but only now was she starting to understand that Amelie was here  _ to  _ work. So much for their couples holiday;  Lena was getting the feeling she was going to spend most of her time in france alone.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“The first week will be exceptionally busy; damage-control etcetera, but after that I’ll arrange for someone to cover any overtime they ask me to do. I want to spend as much time with you as I can; there are a lot of places I want to take you.”

“As long as we get to see the eiffel tower and I can take a picture where it looks like I’m leaning on it then I’m happy.”

Amelie felt herself die a little inside;

“You are in the cultural capital of europe, of the planet! And you want to take a stupid tourist photo.”

“Yes.”

“Bu-”

“No buts. We’re taking a picture where it looks like I’m leaning on the eiffel tower. This is probably the only time I’m going to be in france in my life so I’m taking full advantage of it.”

Amelie rolled her eyes.

“I doubt this will be the last time you come to france; we are both still young and if this relationship persists then I will be bringing you back here as often as I can.”

Youth had nothing to do with it but the backseat of a limousine was not the place to have that conversation; but the conversation would need to be had Lena realised, and preferably before it came from someone else. 

The limo finally pulled up outside an apartment and Amelie stepped out; holding the door open for Lena and offering her a hand as the brit stepped out of the car and onto the cobbled streets. She looked up at the huge looming hotel that they had pulled up to.

“It’s not even an apartment building!”

“This is cheaper for the company.”

Amelie walked over to the boot of the limo just as the driver popped it open and helped him lift their bags out onto the street.

“Aurez-vous besoin d'aide pour transporter vos sacs?”

He asked and she shook her head and handed Lena’s bag over to her;

“Non, Merci. Comment va votre femme?”

“Aussi amer que toujours”

Amelie laughed at that and passed him a few notes as a tip before gently touching his arm and then picking up her bag and stepping in besides Lena who was still staring up in awe at the expensive building in front of her.

“Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come inside. It’s rather cold out here to be honest.”

She said playfully; reaching out with her free hand and gently squeezing Lena’s hand, their fingers tangling for a second in a brief display of affection before Amelie stepped into the building and Lena followed after her with a look of awe. The lobby was red and gold; the furniture here looked like it was worth more than anything back in her apartment, while Amelie checked them in Lena took out her phone and snapped a few pictures before sending them to Angela.

_ This is just the lobby! _

**Well at least she plants to treat you right.**

_ Angela i’m freaking out; I knew she had money but not this much money. _

**Relax it’s just a fancy hotel.**

_ We took a limo to get here and a private jet to get to the limo!!! _

**You’re joking right?**

_ No! Have you ever been on a private jet? It’s just you; they bring you drinks and stuff! You don’t get trapped next someone with a baby and there’s plenty of leg room! _

**Lena are you a sugar-baby?**

_ Pls no _

“Lena?”

“Huh?”

“We’re all checked in; let’s go.”

_ Talk to you in a sec. I’ll show you what the apartment looks like. _

The elevator looks like it's made of gold and there’s a button right at the top that says “Penthouse” and Amelie is about to push it before Lena grabs her hand and stares at her with a serious expression.

“C-can I?”

“Sure?”

Pushing the button feels like ascending to heaven. The elevator shoots upwards and pleasant royalty-free music plays as they ascend and then the doors open and a choir of angels starts to sing along with the trumpets of a heavenly host as Lena steps into the poshest room she’s ever seen.

“Amelie… you’re not just tech-support are you?”

“I also have several shares in the company, enough to make me a board member. I got them from my husband in the divorce. Or rather half of it. Board meetings can be quite awkward.”

“This is too much Amelie… the fanciest place I’ve ever slept in before now was  _ your  _ car!”

Amelie closes the door behind them and slides in behind Lena and hugs her around the waist, her head resting on her shoulder.

“Just call me monsieur Gray.”

“No.”

“Fair.”

Lena’s hands rest on the arms around her waist and the look of astonishment on her face changes into a wide almost giddy smile and she turns to kiss Amelie before stopping herself and settling for just hugging her tightly.

“I know we have to be careful here, and that it’s going to be frustrating for you, but I will spend as much time as I can with you Lena.”

Amelie ran a hand through Lena’s hair before pulling away from her reluctantly. A five minute hug would look suspicious to anyone. Lena chuckled and gave Amelie a confidence boosting grin.

“I haven’t had to act straight in years, I may be a bit rusty.”

“Trust me it’s easier than it looks. Men want to believe they have a shot with you; just act like yourself and they’ll delude themselves.”

  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobic language and neo-nazi's.
> 
> In case you're wondering about my political stance; I 100% advocate all violence against anyone identifying as a Nazi, just hurt them safely.

Even after the promises things didn't quite go according to plan and Lena found herself sitting alone in the expensive apartment missing her own rat-hole back in London. At least there she had someone to talk to when she was feeling lonely but here in France she was miles from anyone she knew and Amelie spent more time at work than at home, whatever the leak had been had ended up being quite extensive and despite her best efforts (or so she insisted) she ended up working two or three hours late every night since they’d arrived.

The apartment was huge and well furnished and impressive and so painfully empty; on top of the loneliness Lena was scared that she might have a heart attack whilst she was here alone, a fear she stubbornly refused to bring up with Amelie because she wanted their month away together not to be overshadowed by her medical condition. She took her medication regularly, monitored her heart rate frequently, and crossed her fingers and hoped.

Risking your life for your girlfriend was supposed to be romantic but it just left Lena feeling anxious.

She lay spread out in the huge king-sized bed in their bedroom staring blankly as the T.V. played an old black and white french movie, not reading the subtitles and not understanding what was being said on screen. 

“This is stupid.”

She huffed and turned the T.V. off and stared at the black screen for a second before rolling herself up and off the bed and stretching. Her phone buzzed and she grabbed it instantly; opening up her messages and frowning.

_ I’m sorry, I’m going to be late again. They won’t let me go. _

**It’s fine luv, what do you want to do about dinner tonight?**

_ Eat without me, I don’t think I’m going to make it back until morning. _

**Okay; are they expecting you to go in tomorrow?**

_ No. They’re unreasonable but not stupid, they’re letting me have a days rest. I’ll take out all day, I’m sorry I know this isn’t how you imagined this would go. _

**To be entirely honest I was expecting more sex.**

_ Then I have a surprise for you tomorrow ;) _

Well atleast she had something to look forward tomorrow.

**< 3**

She typed back before staring at the clock. It was only six, it was too early for dinner and too late to justify eating lunch plus what was she going to do to pass the time? They’d been in France nearly two weeks and Amelie hadn’t shown her anywhere interesting; they’d been to the eiffel tower, a few restaurants, but Amelie had been so exhausted. She searched for good places to visit whilst in France and there were a dozen results but none of them appealed to her.

Eventually she settled for going to an art exhibit; with a destination in mind she pulled on the closest to “classy” an outfit she could find and stopped short of a beret. She wrapped a brown scarf around her neck and made sure she looked cute in the mirror before leaving the room.

It’s snowing gently when she stepped out of the hotel; she smiled up at the weather before making her way down the street, the exhibition was happening at a small modern art installation just a few streets from the hotel.

She took her time; appreciating the feeling of a foreign city around her, with foreign concrete beneath her feet, and a foreign atmosphere that wasn’t entirely unwelcoming. What was very unwelcoming, as she rounded the corner, was a group of young bald-men in brown military uniforms standing outside the place that should be hosting the art-exhibit.

She paused for a moment; raising her hands to her mouth and breathing on to them to warm them a little before walking up to the group who were busy glaring away any would be visitors to the exhibit.

“Evenin’ gents!”

She said; trying to sound as chipper as she could as she approached the five men, they were all at least a foot taller than her. She was reminded of her college days and some of the demonstrations she visited when she was younger, healthier, when she was filled with fire.

The men stood up and the patches on their shoulders became visible; a french flag with a swastika over the front.

“Can we help you miss?”

The largest of the five asked; stepping forward to meet her, she could feel people pausing in the street to watch the exchange.

“Well; I’ve got tickets to go in there, and you gents are in the way.”

She said without a single crack in her bright attitude.

“You don’t want to go in there miss. They are showing the artwork of an abomination, a fag made most of the paintings and encouraging their behavior is morally reprehensible.”

“Ah, well that’s unfortunate because I was  _ really _ hoping to see some of the paintings inside, would you mind letting me past?”

“No this is a protest on behalf of public decency, we know the true dangers of allowing homosexuals to publicise their work!  What if kids went inside; they would think that such a lifestyle was acceptable!”

“I don’t think kids care too much about a bunch of paintings, plus aren’t the paintings mostly like prints of cans of food and stuff?”

“The issue is not what the paintings are, but that they are made by a sub-human minority.  We shouldn’t let children think that people that live like the artist are allowed to be successful.”

Lena frowned and stared up at the man in front of her.

“Isn’t this technically a hate crime?”

The four men behind him had already stood up and stepped in behind their leader who was getting increasingly red faced.

“No this is our birthright!”

The man’s voice had a triumphant edge to it that unsettled Lena just a little.

“If that were true don’t you think there would be a crowd here to support you?”

There was a pause and the man took a deep breath;

“Miss I will give you this courtesy because you are clearly a stranger to our country. You are being very disrespectful right now, so I will allow you to leave because I am a principled man and I do not wish to hu-”

Lena was aiming to give him a bloody nose, instead she broke his jaw and knocked him unconscious. The crowd that had gathered behind her watched on in stunned silence. The four men stared at their incapacitated leader before starting to step towards Lena but before they could do anything a pair of police officers had pushed through the crowd and were standing behind Lena. They gave them a meaningful look and instead of murdering a tourist they decided to pick up their crumpled leader and drag him away.

“Mademoiselle s'il vous plaît, venez tranquillement”

“Hah?”

“Mon dieu un touriste. Please come with us errrr quietly.”

“Oh right. Assault. Gotcha.”

She held her wrists behind her back and they cuffed her; she flinched a little at the uncomfortably cold steel against her skin but couldn’t hide the grin on her face as they led her into the back of a police car.

“Do you know who you just punched?”

“Some wanker?”

The police officer's partner sat down in the passenger seat and laughed at that; grinning over at the driver.

“je l'aime bien”

“Tais-toi. Ma’m we are supposed to take you back to the station for questioning and then process you, but we saw the whole thing so we can… miss the questioning? As for processing, given the circumstances I believe it is safe to say you were… being in self defence oui?”

“Err oui.”

“Good, good, we’ll take you to the station. You call someone, they come pick you up, and we all forget oui?”

“Oui.”

“Listen miss, it will take them a while to find you. You should leave france as soon as you can. How is your fist?”

Now that he mentioned it her right fist did feel like she’d punched a brick wall. 

“It hurts a little.”

“We will get the station doctor to look at it. Miss you have done france a service, but you should watch your back. If you leave your hotel please leave with a group.”

“Are they that dangerous?”

The man sighed and put the police car into gear.

“You have no idea.”

During the drive Lena sat in silence and tried to figure out what exactly she’d say to Amelie to explain what had happened; “Sorry luv but I wanted to punch a nazi” just didn’t seem like it would cut it, nor would “I got bored waiting for you so thought I’d go exploring”. Either way she had a feeling she was going to get a scolding.

They set her wrists free at the station and let her make a phone-call, she glanced at a clock and realised that she was going to have to call Amelie at work. She dialed in Amelie’s number and waited, twiddling with the chord of the phone whilst the dial tone played. For a brief moment she thought that Amelie wasn’t going to pick up but then she did and she felt her heart rise out of her stomach back to where it was supposed to be.

“Hey listen I ne-”

“Lena? I told you to message me if you needed something.”

“Yeah listen I punched a nazi, I think he was a nazi, either way he was a homophobe, I punched him in the face.”

“You did wha- Lena please don’t tell me you’re at a police station.”

“...”

“Lena?”

“You have to promise not to be mad; remember that I’m cute and he was a nazi.”

“Oh my god. Where are you? Paris metropolitan?”

“Yes?”

“Gabriel is going to kill me… I’ll be over in an hour to pick you up. Do you need bail?”

“I think so, they’re not deporting me though. I’m kind of confused about what’s going on.”

“They’re likely just waiting for someone to come pick you up. I’ll be over soon.”

“Thank you Amelie.”

“Oh and Lena?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

The phone hung up and Lena sighed and placed the phone back on its hook. A police officer walked over and led her to a holding cell where she passed the hour and a half it took Amelie to get there staring up at the ceiling and feeling guilty.

In a distant room she could hear people talking in french but it all sounded a little garbled; she sat up and swung her legs off the bench, standing up and walking over to the bars and doing her best to try and look playful. Amelie stepped into the room and walked up to the bars whilst the police officer moved to start unlocking the cell.

“Why?”

“He was a nazi, ain’t that a good enough reason?”

“No. The officers told me what happened, you could have died.”

“I doubt that; they’re not gonna just murder some british chick in the streets.”

“They’ve killed people before. Lena. What you did was selfish and stupid.”

The cell was unlocked and the officer held the bars open; Lena stepped out and tried to shrug off what Amelie was saying.

“I’m fine, I’ve done self-defence. Besides I knocked one of them out with my fiiiiiaaaaahhh!”

Amelie had took a hold of her hand and lightly squeezed it, Lena yanking her hand free and cradled it.

“It’s broken.”

“No it’s not!”

Amelie sighed and pressed her fingers against her forehead.

“Let’s go.”

She turned and walked away, with Lena following after her.

“Okay luv it might be broken.”

“Nope, it looks perfectly fine to me.”

“Amelie!”

“Did you think?”

“Pardon?”

“Did you stop and think about what I would do if you were beaten to death by a bunch of scum whilst you were staying with me. Did you not think that I might feel a little guilty? That maybe I might blame myself? Did you think for even a second of how I would feel if you died?”

“In England we don’t tolerate nazi’s.”

“We don’t tolerate them here either but you pick the fights you can win. One small british woman vs five large homophobic wastes of air. Those odds are not in your favour.”

“Well I still won didn’t I?”

“Oui. You’re packing your bags and going home tomorrow.”

“What!”

“You really don’t get it do you? You showed your face to them. They know what you look like. They’ll come after you now, to hurt you, you’re in danger whilst you’re here.”

Lena shrugged it off as she sat down in the passenger seat of Amelie’s car, she looked out of the window, feeling both ashamed and angry at herself.

“Lena.”

Lena sighed and she looked over at Amelie and she was taken aback by how vulnerable she looked, there was genuine fear in her face.

“I love you. Please don’t do something this stupid again.”

Lena stared at her for a moment; feeling a blush creep up her face, she silently nodded. Amelie let out a sigh of relief; glad she’d reached her, and put the car into gear.

“Okay let's get you to a doctor.”

She let out a huff and then froze;

“I just sai-”

“Yep.”

Amelie slammed her head against the steering wheel and Lena started to giggle and then began to full on laugh, Amelie glanced over at her and then sighed. The brit leaned in and tugged her chin up; leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips before pulling away with a cocky grin.

“I love you too. Now can we please get some painkillers in me, I’m pretty sure I shattered all of my fingers and my wrist.”

Amelie rolled her eyes and kissed her fiercely.

“Idiot. Don’t ruin the mood.”

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

“So after getting lunch we went to a comic book store where the owner gave us a bunch of free shit because y’know she’s  _ the  _ Hana Song, we took the free shit back to her place and sat in and watched stupid romantic movies all day and laughed at the characters an-”

“Holy fuck I get it you love your new girlfriend.”

There’s an awkward pause in the cafeteria; Sombra’s hand halfway to her mouth with a handful of peanuts in it.

“Well… she’s not really my girlfriend.”

“What?”

“We’re… keeping it casual.”

“Six dates in three weeks is not keeping it casual. That’s like… you’re practically living together! You might as well get married!”

Lucio slammed his fists down on the table in exasperation; staring at his coworker and shaking his hands as if to emphasise his point before leaning back in his chair and running his hands through his hair.

“So; you basically love her, you guys have been on half a dozen dates in three weeks, but she just wants to keep it casual and you’re… happy with this?”

“Yes!”

Lucio stared her down and she finally confessed;

“No… but like I’m scared I’m already coming across as overbearing because y’know six dates, three weeks. Plus she knows I’m a fan which makes things awkward for her, and I can’t exactly turn around and be like “I need to know if this relationship is actually going anywhere” without risking her dumping me on the spot.”

“So you’re just going to sit there and accept the fact that you’re more committed to the relationship than she is?”

Sombra shrugged;

“What other choice do I have?”

“Uh end a relationship that’s not going to make you happy in the long run.”

“You don’t know that! She might change her mind.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“If she doesn’t then plenty more fish and all that.”

“I’d suggest start fishing around early then because it sounds to me like the ship is sinking.”

Sombra pouted and ate her food, her hands crossing her chest as she glared at Lucio.

“You want me to cheat on my girlfriend?”

“She’s not your girlfriend. Like you said “keeping it casual”.”

He waved his hands sarcastically at the last phrase and then leans back in his seat.

“Look It just sounds to me like you’re going to get hurt by her in the long run; if this relationship really is just fun sex whenever you guys don’t have anything better to do then maybe you should try looking around for something more meaningful?”

“And I suppose you have a whole list of people who’d want to date me.”

“Nope; just one. That new girl over in R and D.”

“Which one?”

“That former Vishkar employee or whatever, one of those geniuses. I had a “team-building” day with her the other week and she asked after you.”

“I’m not going to cheat on Hana!”

“Why don’t you ask her then? Clear up what it is your relationship is because you don’t seem to have a clue. If she wants you to be exclusive then the relationship’s going somewhere, if she’s fine with you sleeping around then she’s probably not planning a wedding any time time soon.”

“That is… stupid. No I’m not going to do that.”

“Have it your way but you need to find out where this relationship is going. My couch still has a dent of your body in it from the last time you got your heart broken and let me tell you I’m not letting you stay at my place ever again. I’ve seen the mess you make.”

She scowled at him but he dismissed her with a wave of his hand and left the room.

She tried not to think about what he said but he’d planted a seed of doubt in her mind and as the day continued it grew into a gnawing anxiety that she couldn’t quite shake even when she was curled up on the couch with the lover in question.

“Hana?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you actually interested in a relationship or was this just some fun?”

There was a long awkward pause before Hana pulled away from Sombra and slowly stretched.

“It was just fun for me; why do you ask?”

She doesn’t look at her though, instead focusing on her own hands slowly playing with themselves. Sombra stares at her back for a moment and then stands up;

“No reason, I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page.”

“Are we on the same page?”

“Do you want a drink?”

She doesn’t make eye-contact as she heads into her kitchen; she even went through the effort of cleaning up her apartment so Hana wouldn’t be completely disgusted by her, now it just feels like wasted energy.  She opened her fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice.

She could hear Hana putting on her shoes in the hallway; she stepped out of the kitchen and stared at her for a moment.

“You can stay if you want.”

It sounded a little half-hearted even to her.

“I know, I think I might need a little space.”

“I figured. Text me when you get home okay? It’s late.”

“Maybe.”

Hana pulled on her coat, checked her pockets, and then left the apartment shutting the door probably a little harder than she had meant. Sombra ran a hand through her hair for a moment before going to back to sit down at the couch when she heard the door swing open again.

“Are you seriously not going to chase after me?”

Sombra stared at Hana blankly;

“You said you wanted space!”

“That was a hint!”

“You said this was just fun to you!”

“Was! God damn it take a hint!”

Sombra turned on her indignantly as the small korean girl stormed into the apartment and stared up at her;

“What kind of passive-aggressive word bullshit is that?”

Hana raises a finger and puts it to her lips;

“Okay it was stupid. I didn’t mean to leave I just… panicked and then I was standing outside and I panicked again because… okay like the last four relationships I’ve had got creepy really fast. I don’t date fans because the last one I dated leaked my address online when I dumped him to get revenge and me and Amelie had to move. I want this relationship to mean something right? But commitment freaks me the fuck out and honestly we’re moving a little fast and I don’t know if you’re going to hurt me like my exes did.”

There was a pause for her to catch her breath and she took her finger away from Sombra’s mouth; the woman stared at her for a long moment and Hana rolled her shoulders self-consciously.

“I don’t want to settle down or move in or anything; that’s moving way too fast even for me, but I do want to spend time with you and I want it to mean more to you than just an easy lay you can dump whenever I become inconvenient.”

“I wouldn’t do tha-”

“You almost just walked out on me because I want this to be a relationship and not just casual sex.”

Hana looked away and began to turn towards the exit before Sombra grabbed her arm;

“If you want to leave then I won’t stop you, you’re free to go any time and I won’t force you to stay with me with blackmail. Amelie would probably kill me if I did that. However I do want you to stay and as great as the sex is I want a little bit of commitment; just a tiny bit, nothing serious or scary. Just I want it so we’re not seeing other people on the side.”

Hana nodded a little; her hands moving from her jacket’s pockets and around Sombra’s waist.

“I can do that.”   
Sombra gently pet her on the head before wrapping her up in a tight hug of her own.

“That wasn’t so hard; was the whole “storming off” without a word thing really necessary?”   
“Shutup.”

Hana’s voice was muffled as she buried her face in Sombra’s chest.

Amelie guided Lena through a small crowd; gently pulling on her hand and making sure she didn’t stumble into anyone or fall over her own feet.

“Where are we going Amelie?”

Lena finally asked; struggling to maintain balance whilst completely blind.

“Just wait.”

There was a jolt and the unmistakable sensation of an elevator ascending exceptionally quickly. Lena had no idea where she was; her vision obscured by a blindfold as she was led through somewhere she presumed was actually quite public. The elevator continued to climb for a minute or so before it finally stopped and Amelie led Lena by the hand; she took a few hesitant steps forward and then was stopped by Amelie.

She felt her girlfriend move behind her and slide her hands around her stomach making her automatically lean into the touch; enjoying the gentle warmth that Amelie’s body gave her.

“Take it off.”

Amelie whispered and Lena reached up to finally take off the blindfold; her vision was dazzled with an array of lights and brilliant architecture in every direction as the city of Paris was presented before her like a grand work of art. Every old and new building, every point of cultural interest, every beautiful masterwork of masonry, laid out before her like a great expanse.

“Do you like it?”   
Amelie whispered in her ear and she felt her heart throb in her chest; for a second panic gripped her but it calmed along with her heart. She was breathless as she stared out at the great view; slowly turning in Amelie’s embrace and looking up at her eyes adoringly.

“Yes…”

She tiptoed up and kissed her softly on the lips; Amelie pulling her in closer, and for a moment Lena was sure she had the perfect life. 

When Amelie pulled away she turned around to reveal a small table and two chairs set up for them; candlelight gently illuminating it and a cart with steel trays on it covering various platters. 

“I have a friend who works here; they agreed to set this up for me in exchange for a favor. I’m sorry for neglecting you since you arrived here; they’re working me hard at th-”

Lena ended her sentence with another kiss; lingering for a moment longer.

“Hush; it’s okay luv, lets just enjoy our evening.”

She said softly; a faint blush on both their faces before Amelie nodded and led her lover over to the table.

The food was delicious and surprisingly still warm but as they ate and talked and laughed fear grew in Lena’s stomach like a sickness, filling her entire being as she realised that Amelie was truly in love with her and in turn her in love with Amelie. It was a dread that was born from her condition and the lie she technically hadn’t told Amelie, born from her life subsisting on little more than borrowed time.

Then finally at the end of the meal Amelie poured them both a glass of champagne and as they toasted the anxiety that was blooming like a flower inside Lena finally got the best of her.

As their glasses touched all she could think to say was simply;

“I’m dying.”

There was a long moment of silence and Amelie’s smile slowly faded for a moment, her face going very pale.

“I… what?”

“I’m dying, Amelie.”

There was another painful second and Lena slumped into her chair, wretchedly relieved to finally be rid of that weight, guilt ridden at having stolen this perfect evening from them. Amelie’s face was impassive for what felt like an eternity and then she downed her glass and poured herself another with shaking hands.

  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

“You told her just like that?”

Lena nodded glumly in her seat; they were back in England and Amelie hadn’t called her in over a week, she laid her head down on the table and dangled her arms by her sides trying really hard to not think about the fact her first real relationship in years was probably going to end during the next phone call she’d have.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Well it wasn’t; she did something exceptionally romantic for you, from the sounds of it she was probably going to propose, and then you turn around and tell her you’re dying. She probably just needs some time to process this new information.”

“Angela she’s going to dump me I can just feel it!”

The swiss woman placed a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly before pulling away and turning on the kettle.

“Tea or coffee?”

“Tea please luv.”

Lena sighed again but finally sat up; her phone was resting on the table, silent. She prodded it with her finger and then it buzzed; the prod turned into a quick snatch and she checked her messages only to groan and throw the phone back on the table.

“Just a reminder about my stupid doctor’s appointment.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s important. They might have found a donor.”

Lena ignored the remark and glanced over her shoulder;

“Where’s Fareeha; I feel like going out and getting plastered tonight.”

“You just took your meds; you need some rest, things will be better in the morning.”

“Not without alcohol they won’t.”

“Lena she will come around; just give her time.”

The phone buzzed again and Lena grabbed it; this time it was an actual call and when she answered she heard the familiar voice of her girlfriend. She opened her mouth to speak but then fell silent for a moment; she leaned back in her chair and said yes four times, each time more defeated than the last, before finally hanging up.

“She said she wants me to come over this weekend; that we needed to talk.”

Angela placed the hot mug of tea in front of her friend and gently ruffled her hair;

“Well you do need to talk.”

“Pfft Angela everyone knows “we need to talk” is code for “I’m going to break up with you.””

Angela shrugged at that and took a sip from her own mug; Lena put her cup to her lips and sipped before grimacing and setting the cup down.

“Is that caffeine free? What happened to the actual tea I bought?”

“Of course it is. We need to start being more careful about what you put into your body; the closer we get to your… deadline, the more at risk you are. You’ve been having more minor attacks recently, even if you don’t want to admit it. I know you might feel like just giving up at the moment but I would still very much like to see you alive for several years more.”

Lena sipped the tea and made another face; today was shaping up to be the worst day in english history.

“I really like her Angela….”

“I know you do dear; I know you do.”

Lena sighed and gently dragged her finger around the rim of the cup;

“I was sure she was the one, that I was gonna end up marrying her. Started out as just some fun but… I don’t know, we had something and now it’s gone. All ‘cause of my stupid ‘art.”

Angela gave her a sympathetic nod; she wanted to be mad at Amelie but she couldn’t blame her, Lena’s condition was scary and being told your lover could die any day now was scary. If Fareeha told her that then she might just run herself.

Across town Amelie sighed and put her phone down on the table; Hana watched her curiously for a moment, slowly shovelling food into her mouth before finally pausing to speak.

“You still haven’t told me what’s got you so upset.”

“Lena is dying.”

“Oh.”

There was a moment of very tense silence before Hana went back to eating; focusing on her food for a moment before finally deciding to commit to the conversation.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to break up with her?”

Amelie stared at her hands, tapping her finger against the table before shrugging.

“Maybe. I don’t think I can go through with that relationship knowing how it will end. I don’t want to leave her but… I don’t know, it hurt just to know that I would one day lose her let alone actually losing her. I don’t know what to do.”

Hana nodded and finished off her food; she stood up and put their dishes in the sink before walking over to Amelie and placing a careful hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“If you want my opinion, which you probably don’t, but here it is. You know Lena hasn’t got much time left so you’ve got two options; you can run and abandon her but protect yourself or… you can commit, you can stay by her side, make the absolute most of the time you two have together. Then when she has to… pass on, she dies happy and you have nothing but good memories with her.”

Amelie reached up and gently held Hana’s hand, squeezing it before looking up at her.

“Thank you, I always appreciate your advice. How are you and Sombra getting along?”

“We’ve uhm… we’ve decided that it’s more than just sex. Not exactly a big deal by comparison but y’know…”

There was a long pause.

“I think I love her.”

Amelie grinned up at Hana and slowly stood up;

“That’s good; if she becomes obsessive, let me know.”

“She’s fine… perfect actually. Except her apartment. I think I might have to teach her how to clean; that place is a dump.”

Amelie laughed at that and nodded;

“It’s a good thing you don’t live with her.”

Hana smiled at that for a moment;

“I probably will be soon; if you decide to double down on Lena I’ll need to find another place to stay. You should probably get ready for Lena showing up; I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

Amelie nods and collapses back in her chair; reaching out for her phone and playing with it and thinking. She hadn’t thought about it until now but to imagine her future without Lena was… unbearable, she wanted Lena to be with her for at least the foreseeable future.

It took Lena thirty minutes to get to Amelie’s apartment; nowhere near enough time for Amelie to reach a decision. When she opened the door to let her girlfriend in she tried to put on a smile but the tension between them both was palpable. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Was all they said to each other; Lena hesitated in the doorway, thoughts of just leaving and not dealing with this situation were hard to resist. However she stepped through anyway and sat down at the table.

Amelie sat down opposite and was about to speak when Lena raised a hand and cut her off;

“Listen; I’m sorry, I should’ve told you a long time ago about my condition but I didn’t. I was scared, terrified even that you would run again, that you would try to cut me off again.”

Amelie flinched at that but remained silent.

“I don’t have much time left and what time I do have left I want to spend doing what makes me happy and who makes me happy; at first that meant just casual sex with whoever was interested, but then I met you and after a while it became more than that. I stopped seeing other people, you became my primary focus, I wanted to spend every evening with you, to get to know you. The real you. Not whoever you pretend to be when you’re leaving the hotel room or whoever you’re trying to be when you’re doing what I tell you to.”

Lena took a deep breath again; her hands were shaking, she thought it would get easier the more she spoke but it didn’t.

“I fell in love with you long before I even knew your real name when I think back on it. Then you reached out to me, you showed me you wanted to commit, and I saw a future for the first time in my life I could plan ahead around more than just my funeral you know? I was and am in love with you right and I probably will be no matter what happens tonight. As you got closer to me; as we opened up to each other, I knew I had to tell you but I was scared and so I left it and made it worse because that’s what I do I guess.”

Amelie sat there in silence for a moment and Lena mumbled a quiet “you must hate me” to herself before continuing.

“Before, I thought I was okay; with dying, in fact I was going to… skip straight to the end I guess, just so I didn’t spend my last days in some hospital somewhere. But you made scared to die again; you made me want to live.”

She tried to wipe the tears out of her face, sniffling a little.

“I just… If you want to leave then leave. I love you Amelie, I don’t want to hurt you. If you don’t want to stay; if you want to protect yourself, then do it. I love you and nothing is going to change that an-”

Tears were starting to streak down her face now and Amelie’s heart slowly began to crumble.

“I just… I want you to be happy okay? One day I’ll die, long before you do, and that’ll hurt and I jus-”

Her words were cut off when Amelie leapt from her chair and pulled her into a passionate, emotional, and painful kiss. When she finally pulled away from her she pressed her forehead against Lena’s, biting back her own tears, and grasping her face in her hands.

“You are worth it.”

“L-Luv?”

“If you are going to hurt me then hurt me as badly as you can because a future where I watch you die hurts but a future where we don’t try, where I’m not there fighting beside you, that’s unbearable.”

“O-oh…”

“Lena listen to me; I’m not leaving you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and failing that, whatever time you’ve got left that you’ll give to me. You foolish, foolish girl I  _ love  _ you.”

Suddenly she dropped down to one knee;

“Luv are yo-”

“Shh Lena, honey, I’m going to start crying please just let me finish.”

Lena nodded mutely; staring up at her with wide hopeful eyes.

“Lena Oxton, damn it I don’t have a ri-”

“Don’t care.”

“Okay. Lena Oxton.”

“Yes?”

“Will you make me the happie-”

“For fucks sake Amelie get on with it!”

“Will you marry me?”

Lena dragged Amelie up into another kiss;

“Yes. Absolutely yes.”

The pair embraced; both refusing to let go of the other, terrified that this moment would slip through their hands. Years from now this memory would wake Amelie, alone in her bed, but for now the pair were happy together.

  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are okay and there's background SomVa.

“Oh my god would you stop  _ pacing _ for just five minutes! I get it; you’re stressed but right now you’re making me stressed!”

Amelie shot Sombra a fierce look but the girl refused to back down; the pair were on the roof of the TALON office in London, Sombra trying to focus on her lunch whilst Amelie paced restlessly about the place constantly checking her phone expecting a message any second.

“Look it’s going to be good news; she’s been taking her medicine on time, she’s been doing everything the doctor told her an-”

“Is that… is that the leftovers from mine and Hana’s dinner last night?”

“What?”

Amelie pointed down at the box that Sombra was eating from; its contents very much resembling the only dish that Hana knew how to cook properly.

“No? Don’t be ridiculous…. Hana made like a tonne of the stuff the last time she came over mine so that I could eat it for work.”

“Why?”

“Because she asked what I usually have for lunch.”

“So?”

“She made me see a doctor.”

There was a long pause where Amelie looked Sombra up and down; she certainly seemed a lot healthier since she’d started dating Hana.

“What?”

“Well what did the doctor say?”

“Why?”

She shot back defensively and for a moment Amelie was tempted to press the issue before letting it go.

“Nevermind.”

Sombra stuck her tongue out at Amelie before returning to her food; rather dejectedly shovelling more of the stuff into her mouth.

“I just wish she knew how to cook something else.”

“You don’t live with her.”

Amelie muttered mostly to herself; pacing a few more times before walking over and sitting down next to her co-worker. Sombra glanced over at Amelie for a moment before reaching into her pocket;

“You look like you need a cigarette.”

“I haven’t smoked since I was fourteen and I would like to keep it that way.”

“You smoked when you were fourteen?”

“I’m french; it’s a miracle I stopped.”

Sombra shrugged at that and tucked the packet of cigarettes back into her coat pocket.

“I noticed you don’t have any real coffee at your place anymore. All decaf.”

“Lena told me it was fine but I got a message from her friend; the swiss woman, telling me that if Lena had any caffeine her heart would literally explode. I decided to believe the doctor.”

“No coffee, no cigarettes; you still drink wine right?”

Amelie scoffed at that and grinned at her friend;

“Not as frequently as I used to.”

Sombra nodded and swallowed a mouthful of food;

“Hana helped me clean up my apartment; all the bits of junk are now organised neatly in my “project room”. I’ve even got a spare bedroom now.”

“She’ll use that for streaming.”

“What?”

“She made you a home-cooked lunch, several, she helped you clean your apartment, has she asked you about the rent on the place?”

“A few times?”

Amelie nodded solemnly as though reaching some deep truth on her own; Sombra stared at her incredulously for a moment before her expression suddenly went slack.

“She’s moving in with me.”

“She’s got clothes at your place right?”

“Yeah. And I set up a computer for her so that she can stay over more often and didn’t have to worry about streaming.”

“In the guest room?”

“She’s  _ already  _ moved in!”

Amelie laughed at that before checking her phone for the tenth time in the as many minutes.

“What do I do?”

Sombra’s voice suddenly sounded panicked; it had all seemed so natural, so reasonable, but she’d never had to share her space with someone else before.

“What do you want to do?”

Sombra stared back down at her food;

“I think I need to have a talk with her.”

“Why?”

“She’s moving in without telling me!”

“Of course she is; that’s what they do.”

“Who’s “they”?”

“The people you end up falling in love with. I mean what will you accomplish by talking about it other than an argument? You don’t want her gone right?”

“I guess not.”

“And it’s more convenient for her to have stuff at yours, her own space to stream, etcetera?”

“Yeah…”

“Then where’s the issue?”

“She’s not paying rent for one!”

“Well then ask her to move in with you properly. The sooner I get her out of my place the sooner me and Lena can move in together.”

There was a polite knock to the wall next to them and they both turned to look at the security guard poking his head out from the roof-door.

“Lunch-breaks over and… well there’s something I have to show you. The CEO is going to flip his shit.”

Amelie stood up and dusted herself off; offering a hand to Sombra who packed away what remained of her food (there was still so much of it) before allowing Amelie to help her to her feet.

“What’s the matter Gabriel?”

“It’s… hard to explain.”

He let them take the lead down the stairs; closing and locking the roof-access door behind them before following them into one of the offices.

“Why are the lights off?”

“They’re not. The windows are covered.”

There was a pause as Amelie took in the faint rainbow coloured haze that the place was bathed in; her subordinates were standing next to the windows peering out.

“Gabe what’s going on?”

Sombra finally asked; glancing over at him with a concerned look on her face.

“It’s a flag.”

“A flag?”

“A  _ rainbow  _ flag. It would appear that our companies homophobic hiring practices have finally caught up with them.”

“Our company has homophobic hiring practices?”

“They do if you’re not given a special recommendation by the chief of cyber-security.”

Gabriel snorted at Amelie’s comment before sighing at a burst of angry, static yelling came from his radio.

“I gotta go take that thing down. Have a nice day ladies.”

Amelie walked over to the window and glanced out; the flag had to be huge, it was covering most of the north face of the building. Outside she could hear triumphant yelling and she presumed it was the protestors in question, no doubt celebrating what they believed to be a brilliant move in social activism.

“Well at least for once the breach in security isn’t  _ our _ fault.”

Amelie glanced down at Sombra and for a moment all she could think about was how best to protect the members of her staff that she knew to be LGBT from the coming purge that the company would be looking to do. The unfortunate thing about TALON was that the company was far too big to fail; they were ubiquitous in every sense, and an attack on their reputation like this would just result in firings. The CEO more likely to send a message than to try and do the right thing.

“There will be trouble; be sure to protect yourself, become invaluable. They’ll want any excuse to fire anyone they believe to be like us.”

“Pfft; I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will; I’m worried about the others. There are probably more LGBT people in this office right now than there are in the rest of the company; we’re going to be downsized and they’re going to expect me to comply under the threat of losing my job.”

“Will you?”

“There’s a reason why there’s more LGBT people in this office right now than there are in the rest of the company. If they want to start firing the “degenerates” then they’re going to have to step over my dead body in the process.”

“Is  _ your _ job safe?”

“They all think I’m straight and as long as you’ve kept your end of our arrangement then I will be fine. I know everything there is to know about the business, the company, I’m an asset. An Irreplaceable asset. If they fire me it’ll cost them millions in the long-run.”

“What happens when they find out you’re getting married in December?”

“I’ll probably be asked to step down or retire; with a sizeable leaving package as means of consolation. My advice would be to look for another job discreetly; if I’m outright ordered to start firing people then I won’t have much choice.”

Her phone rung and she grabbed it; reading the message before heading towards her own office.

“I’m heading out to go pick Lena up.”

She called as she grabbed her coat and bag from her desk.

“Miss Oxton?”

Lena jumped up at her name; her hands wringing themselves nervously as she walked into the doctor’s room, he sat her down and gave her a small smile.

“Relax; it’s good news.”

Lena let out a sigh of relief; her high-strung body slowly relaxing.

“I can’t imagine I have much good news left doc.”

“That is a pessimistic way to view things; your heart has responded well to the medicine which means we’ve managed to buy you a few more years at least. Provided you take the medication of course. On top of that, a proper diet, and regular exercise I can confidently say that our previous estimations are now no longer appropriate. That and we’ve managed to find you donor; they’re practically a perfect match.”

“Practically?”

“This is heart surgery; there’s never a one hundred percent guarantee that your body will accept the donor organ. Naturally we’d like to give you the heart as soon as we possibly can; we were hoping to get you in sometime early in next month?”

Lena was barely listening; the promise of a new heart had swept her off her feet a little, that didn’t just mean more time that actually meant a life! A future with Amelie. She shook her head suddenly and glanced up at the doctor with a small smile;

“Yeah, whatever day works best for you.”

When she finally got out of the hospital she glanced down at her phone; things had gone better, a lot better, than she’d anticipated. She knew one day the doctor would tell her that she’d have to stay at the hospital for overnight observation and that would be the last day she ever spent outside of a hospital; the fear of that had weighed on her mind but with that gone, with hope handed to her, she stood up a little straighter.

She sent Amelie a message to come pick her up; she had insisted that Amelie not come along with her to any of these meetings, she wanted to try and protect Amelie as much as she could and not letting her know just how little time they had left was part of that. 

Whilst she waited she watched a nurse wheel out a young looking girl; an oxygen tank attached to the wheelchair and a mask that she pulled from her face and took a deep breath. The nurse said something to her and the girl nodded and smiled and the pair made their way down the ramp and over to what constituted an outdoor eating area.

Lena finally dragged her eyes away from the pair and a few minutes later Amelie pulled up to the hospital; fortunately not in a limo this time. Lena gets into the passenger seat and sits there quietly; a concerned look is shot her way but she ignores it for the moment, staring blankly out the window. When they’re away from the hospital and on the open road Lena starts to give her directions, confused but compliant Amelie follows the instructions until they find themselves out of the city limits and at a familiar somewhat isolated location.

Her fiance obliges and pulls over when instructed. Much to her (pleasant) surprise Lena unbuckles her seatbelt and a few hours later they’re laying on top of each other in the backseat, naked, breathing heavily, and considerably stickier than when they started.

“We should really keep a blanket in this place.”

“Uhuh”

“So... “

“So?”

“I don’t know if I should take this as good news or bad news.”

Amelie mumbled; her hand slowly stroking through Lena’s hair as the pair lazed, basking in each others warmth. Lena didn’t look up; her ear pressed against Amelie’s chest, listening to her heart and feeling the slow and gentle rise of her chest. Her words don’t register for a second; Lena’s eyes are closed and for a brief beautiful moment she’s surrounded by the woman she loves.

“Lena?”

Finally the girl looked up at her; leaning up and gently kissing her on the lips.

“They found a donor.”

“That’s fantastic news!”

“I know.”

“Lena?”

“Huh?”

Amelie gently patted her on the head.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Honest!”

Amelie kissed her slowly on the lips; a reassurance, an invitation to trust.

“Please tell me.”

Lena sighed and shuffled up; nuzzling into her neck.

“I-... I’ve just been thinking about the future. A lot. I’m not used to it; I never knew how much time I would have left so I never thought I’d have a life, not with someone at least. You made me realise that I wanted a future; I wanted to live, to fight for it. I didn’t even know I’d given up until you gave me something worth fighting for.”

“Lena?”

“I just… I’m happy Amelie, so happy, and for once my stupid heart isn’t going to be holding me back. I’m not going to die and I just… I wasn’t expecting to hear that! When you go your whole life believing that you’ll be dead by the age of thirty and that day comes around and you’re still kicking and all of a sudden you’ve got doctors telling you you’ve got more time than you thought you had it’s… it’s just a little intense okay?”

“Lena it’s okay.”

Lena closed her eyes and took a deep breath; trying to stop herself from crying whilst Amelie gently stroked her hand through her hair.

“I suppose we should celebrate then?”

Lena looked up with a sheepish grin on her face;

“Wasn’t this a celebration?”

“This was just car sex. I have a very important question to ask you.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Have you ever had sex with a french maid?”

That did make her cry although for entirely different reasons.

_ Hey we need to talk. _

**About what?**

_ About rent. _

**What about rent?**

_ Well I don’t have any idea how much you earn; I’m more than happy to pay most of it but if Amelie is like some kinda weird sugar-momma for you but minus the sex…. _

**….?**

_ Or not minus the sex. I ain’t here to judge Amelie is the hottest piece of european ass i’ve ever seen. _

**Could you get to the point? Why do you need to know how much I earn? You’re not making any sense.**

_ You can keep playing coy or you can just move in with me completely and we can be those hot sickeningly domestic girlfriends in the apartment building _

**Wait are those actually a thing?**

_ Pretty sure every apartment building has token gays. _

**Ours doesn’t…**

_ That’s because you and Amelie are the token gays. Keep up. _

**So wait are you asking me to become the feudal lord to your shield-maiden?**

_ That meme has been dead for nearly a hundred years.  _

**It’s a vintage meme. Aged finely in the oak barrels of tumblr.**

_ I’m breaking up with you. _

**Over a meme!**

_ Let's be honest if I was going to break up with you it was going to be because of a meme. _

**Okay but seriously shouldn’t we have this conversation in person? You did just ask me to move in with you.**

_ Fine. _

Sombra put her phone down on her nightstand and rolled over in bed to come face to face with Hana.

“Wanna come live with me?”

“Sure why not.”

“Really!?”

“Were you expecting me to say no?”

Sombra rolled her eyes but smiled sheepishly when Hana leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips before her freezing cold hands and legs wrapped around Sombra’s body like the cold embrace of death.

“Still not as bad as Amelie; that girl feels like a corpse.”

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

“Amelie?”

“Hmm?”

Amelie looked down from her book at her fiance spread out over her lap, Lena was lazing on her stomach across the couch and Amelie’s lap, her eyes staring emptily at the T.V. that flashed some show that neither of them were listening to. Rain gently pattered against the window and only a small lamp illuminated the living room.

“Who was the first girl you fell in love with?”

There was a slow thoughtful pause as Amelie considered the question; it was a difficult one and she supposed it must’ve been some time when she was a teenager, she certainly remembered having crushes.

“One that reciprocated those feelings or simply one I admired?”

“Both?”

“The first woman I was ever attracted to was probably my ballet instructor. She was a fierce woman, very beautiful, but I was only fifteen.”

“What about one who reciprocated?”

“That would be my ex-husbands mistress now wife.”

“What?”

Lena rolled onto her back and stared up at Amelie with a questioning look; she just shrugged it off and set her book aside for now.

“She was a stewardess Gerard had met whilst away on a business trip. It wasn’t that unusual; I had no interest in his body but I had yet to come to terms with who I was, Gerard much to his credit was very patient with me until one day I brought it up. After an awkward but productive conversation I told him he was free to sleep with whoever he wanted.”

“Except for you?”

“Well; I was in the mood occasionally and he was not a bad lover, there were just… problems when he took his clothes off. He took it remarkably well.”

Lena frowned at that; struggling to understand how Amelie could be so nice about a man she’d been trapped in a loveless marriage with.

“Why did you marry him?”

“Money, power, it was mostly our parents idea.”

“So he met this girl whilst he was travelling?”

“Yes and they fell in love; he brought her back with him and she became a… maid of sorts. Though I dare say she had a tendency to make rooms dirtier with her presence than cleaner. The situation came with a fair share of tension; the girl was terrified of me, always tiptoeing around me like a mouse avoiding a cat.”

“What changed?”

“I sat her down with a bottle of wine, we both got very drunk, and I... received an answer to all of my questions. Gerard was a little upset at first; I had just slept with the woman he loved.”

“Sucks to be him.”

“Don’t be like that; he was a good man with a lesbian wife. I wasn’t exactly accommodating.”

“How exactly did you resolve this tension?”

“One could say the french invented the concept of the threesome. He had a very good morning that day as well as a very good week. After a while though it was obvious things wouldn’t work out between us and then we filed for a divorce.”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

“Wait you haven’t met Gerard?”

There was a long pause and Lena slowly sat up;

“What do you mean “You haven’t met Gerard?”?”

“We meet up for dinner at least once a week; I’m surprised this hasn’t come up in conversation.”

“You still go on dates with your ex-husband!”

“Lena I’m gay.”

“So! He’s still your ex-husband!”

“Lena I’m  _ gay _ .”

“ _ Ex-husband! _ ”

Amelie rolled her eyes and pulled away from Lena; standing up and stretching mostly to avoid looking at the accusing glare that Lena was shooting her way.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Who was the first girl that made you realise you liked other girls.”

Lena reached up and pulled Amelie back down into a hug; she didn’t protest and instead nuzzled up against Lena’s neck, breathing in her scent and just feeling her presence around her.

“She was a cheerleader.”

Amelie looked up at Lena incredulously and she gave a half shrug.

“So was I; that’s how we met.”

“ _ You _ were a cheerleader?”

“Actually I was cheer-captain.”

“Menteur.”

“Pardon?”

“Liar.”

“I still have the uniform!”

There was a long pause and then Amelie smirked up at her.

“Do you?”

Lena coughed a little nervously before glancing over at the T.V.

“Hey look something’s happening to someone.”

“Where is this uniform?”

“At my place.”

“Oh?”

“Why do you want to know?”

Amelie half-shrugged and nestled back into the crook of Lena’s neck, closing her eyes and holding Lena tightly.

The show continued to play to an audience that wasn’t really paying attention. Lena’s mind was more occupied with other thoughts; her hands drifting slowly up and down Amelie’s body, her fingertips gently gliding over her cool skin before moving up to gently run through her hair. Amelie shifted under her touch; letting out a soft and happy sigh against Lena’s neck, her head resting on Lena’s shoulder. Lena wondered how it was possible to be so in love with someone.

“So when did you realise you were a sub?”

“You really know how to ruin the mood ma cherie.”

“You love me really thought right?”

Amelie let out a soft grunt at that.

“When did you realise you were a dom?”

“Angela asked me to choke her this one time and I was really into it so I tried other stuff and found I really like controlling people. When they’re getting off to it. Can’t really boss someone around if they’re not submissive.”

There was a pause as Amelie considered whether or not she was going to push this issue.

“You had sex with Angela?”

“Like once?”

Another pause.

“Okay a few times but then she met Fareeha and we stopped!”

“I’m not blaming you ma cherie; she is a very attractive woman. However I do feel you should have mentioned this considering that you are living with her.”

“Hey! Fareeha Isn't interested in sharing and beside I’ve got you. Angela was fun sure but you’re something else.”

“Oh? Care to elaborate?”

Lena couldn’t see Amelie’s face but she was sure the french girl was smirking. Her hand slowly moved from Amelie’s hair to her arm and began to slowly stroke up and down it.

“Angela wanted one specific thing to be done to her. You devote yourself to your dom, give yourself over fully. When I put the collar on you you become my plaything, my  _ toy _ . That was something Angela never understood.”

Amelie blushed faintly and shifted a little in Lena’s grasp; her breaths becoming shallow, heavy.

“I know that you will do whatever I ask the moment I ask it because in your heart you know where you belong.”

“Oh? And where do I belong ma cherie?”

Her hand on Amelie’s moved slowly up to her neck, her head tilting up as she felt fingers gently stroke along her throat.

“On your knees.”

Amelie let out a soft but needy sigh; gasping when Lena’s grip around her throat tightened just a little.

“Do you want to play?”

“Yes…”

It was a plea.

“Have you forgotten your manners?”

“Yes mistress.”

“Better. On your knees. Pet.”

Lena’s Soft Flower wilted obediently.

There was something oddly peaceful about watching Sombra work; the way her brow wrinkled whenever she focused on something, how hands could switch from delicate precision to raw brute force, not to mention the how methodical the how performance was. 

Every piece of a computer had to be checked, cleaned, checked again before it was put into place. If something didn’t work it would be removed, set aside, and returned to later. It was easy to see why she had so many unfinished projects littered around the place; her girlfriend seemed fascinated by the process more than the product. 

Sombra looked up from her work briefly; staring blankly at Hana, laying on her stomach on the bed fixing her with an odd look. 

“What?”

She asked a little defensively; setting her things down for a moment.

Hana rose from the bed and padded over; leaning down and kissing Sombra softly on the lips before slowly pulling away.

“I love you.”

Sombra stared up at her in breathless silence; Hana smiled down at her, her hand gently caressing Sombra’s cheek.

“I love you too.”

Her voice was laced with awe and adoration; there was nothing Sombra wouldn’t do, couldn’t do, for Hana. She knew this and sometimes wondered how she could ever live up to that much love, how she could ever be that deserving of it. She wanted to sit and hold her beautiful girlfriend forever; to never let her go, to never disappoint her. 

She pulled away from Sombra and returned a few minutes later with a small blanket; wrapping it around herself and sitting down next to her, resting her head on her shoulder and closing her eyes. 

“Do you want to go to sleep?”

Sombra teased; her arm gently wrapping around Hana’s stomach to pull her in closer.

“Mhmm, but you wanna work so I’ll just wait here.”

Her voice was quiet and Sombra ran a hand slowly through her hair before returning to her work. Hana slowly drifted off to sleep; slowly lulled by the gentle movements of her girlfriend. When she awoke she found herself nestled in Sombra’s arms on the bed; faint memories of being awoken and gently lain on the bed rose in her mind but mostly she focused on enveloping herself in this moment. 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

“What about her?”

“Are you kidding? She’s straight!”

“Not with that haircut.”

“I’m telling you let's not waste her time.”

“Okay…. What  about him?”

“He’s cute and definitely interested; what do you think?”

“To be honest I love that cute british girl behind the bar; something about her smile.”

Gerard looked over at the bar; there was something off-putting about the girl; not that she was ugly in fact she was quite beautiful in her own british sort of way. Gerard couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew her from somewhere; her face raised red-flags that mostly said “off-limits”.

“I don’t know; I think she might be married.”

“What makes you say that honey? I didn’t see a ring.”

He nodded slowly at that and then turned to her offering his fist; she raised hers, they shook three times and he rolled his eyes when she drew rock to his scissors.

“I’ll go say hi.”

Gerard stood up from the booth where they were sat and his wife sipped from her drink with an amused grin as he made his way over to the bar and waved at said waitress to get her attention.

“Hey; what can I getcha?”

“Hmm, a porn-stars martini would be great, also I was hoping you’d settle a bet for me and my wife.”

He pointed over at the woman sitting by herself in one of the booths; she waved over and the bartender waved back.

“Your wife is pretty cute.”

“She certainly is.”

“What sorta bet did you have with her?”

“Well she seems to think that you’re straight.”

“Uhuh.”

“I for one think you’re as gay as a rainbow however.”

“Right.”

“So… which is it?”

“”It’s twelve ninety-five.”

“What?”

The girl put a pitcher filled with bright-pink liquid on the bar and gave him a wink.

“The drink.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m pretty gay.”

He grinned at that and took one of the straws in the drink between his teeth and took a sip.

“How gay?”

“What like on a scale?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d say a solid ten.”

“Out of?”

“Ten.”

He nodded at that slowly and seemed to deliberate over something for a moment;

“When do you get off shift?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Me and my wife are looking for something to do and we figured you would know some fun-places to go.”

She looked him up and down skeptically as she wiped down the bar-counter.

“I’m engaged.”

“You could bring your fiance too.”

“I don’t think she’s into that kind of thing.”

“Oh so you are?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what you implied.”

“We’re not sleeping with you and your wife, besides I just started my shift so even if I wanted to it’s out of the question.”

“Hmm; well I suppose I can respect that, what was your name again?”

“Lena Oxton.”

“Well, Lena Oxton, I apologise for being so pushy. However if you are free this evening, and you and your wife are willing, we would love if you genuinely showed us around the city. We’ve not been in London in years and all the bars we used to frequent have disappeared.”

Lena finished up cleaning the bar and shrugged;

“I’ll think about it. Now is there anything else I can get you?”

He shook his head and left; Lena watching him go before heading back into the kitchen, dropping the cloth in a bin.

“I’m clocking out! Heads up, some weirdo and his wife are looking for someone to have a threesome with.”

She called out to the other waitresses before grabbing her things from her locker and slipping out the back door. She became acutely aware of someone watching her from the other side of the parking lot and checked her bag for her keys and clenched them in her fist like a knuckle-duster. She tried to recall some of the moves Amelie had taught her and was suddenly regretting making all of their “sparring” sessions devolve into rough sex on their living room floor.

She rushed to her car and began to open the door; turning suddenly when a feminine voice asked her name.

“Miss Oxton?”

“U-uhm yes?”

“Oh thank goodness; sorry, my name is Elizabeth, can we talk for a moment? It’s about my daughter Kate.”

“I don’t know a Kate.”

“No, I know you don’t. She’s a patient at the same hospital as you.”

The woman reached into her bag and pulled out a small photo of a young girl no older than fourteen smiling with her dad at the beach.

“Her father… there’s an illness that runs in his family, and she has it. Now I wouldn’t be here unless things were desperate but I’ve already lost him and I don’t want to lose her too.”

The woman wiped her eyes with a tissue; she looked leaned and exhausted, like she hadn’t eaten or slept in days.

“Okay… I’m sorry but I’m not sure how I can help?”

“The illness; it affects the heart, without a new one my daughter will die.”

“Oh…”

“Who got the heart came down to you and her; since you’ve had your condition longer, they decided that you needed it more. If you opt out though, tell them you don’t want the heart, that you want my daughter to have it, they’ll give it to her.”

“I shou-”

The woman grabbed Lena’s wrist as she tried to open the door of her car; imploring her with desperate eyes.

“Please; the chances of them finding another appropriate donor in time are so slim.”

“You’re asking me to die.”

“I’m asking you to save my daughter.”

Lena stared at her silently for a moment before pulling her hand free.

“I’ll think about it; but please never ambush me outside work again.”

She got into her car and slammed the door shut and drove off. She didn’t go straight home however, or to Amelie’s apartment, instead she drove and drove until she found somewhere quiet and then slammed her steering wheel with her hands until it looked like her arms were going to well up with bruises.

Then she made a decision and went home; the drive was longer than she’d liked, and when she got home she went straight to her room and fell asleep.

“Should we ask?”

Fareeha stared at Lena’s door from the kitchen; glancing back at Angela, looking for some kind of guidance.

“Not today; give her a week, she’ll come tell us when she’s ready. There’s no point forcing these things from her; I hope it was just a bad day at work.”

Angela sighed and focused on the food she was currently cooking; she knew better than to try and pry whatever was bothering her from Lena.

Amelie sat in the meeting bored out of her mind; tapping her pen against her notebook whilst Maximillian continued to drone on and on about the bottom line, how their profits had been affected by the negative press from the stunt by those LGBT activists, it was all bullshit. Everyone in this room knew that the only reason they were having to fire certain people was because the bigot would rather punish LGBT people than listen to their valid criticisms of the company's hiring policy.

“That’s all; starting from now our strategy for the grocery section of our corporation will be “Maintaining Traditional Values of the company”, advertisement your strategy will focus on appealing to traditional families, Amelie what’s the status on that breach we suffered a few months back?”

Amelie snapped out of her brooding and rifled through her folder until she found the necessary documents.

“Near as we can tell the company was accessed from somewhere in Russia but tracing the IP to any reliable location is near enough impossible. There was a bit of a digital footprint but nothing we could use to identify them; however we do know that whoever did, had seen how our systems had worked before. Likely a former employee; particularly someone without any oversight. Many of the vulnerabilities seem to have been placed there intentionally to be taken advantage of.”

He nodded at that for a moment;

“Keeping focusing on that; is it possible that whoever did this is still working at our company?”

He said; his eyes fixing on her meaningfully for a moment.

“It wasn’t Sombra.”

“I didn’t sugg-”

“We can have this argument again or you can let me do my job. Firing her is a good way to get the company sued for discrimination and trust me when I say she’s smart enough to know how to make it work. Also she’s the one that noticed that the vulnerabilities in the system were put there deliberately; I’m growing awful tired of your distrust of her and I’m curious to know. Is it because she’s mexican, because she’s a lesbian, because she was an orphan, or all three?”

A silence fell over the room and then Amelie sighed and leaned back in her seat for a moment; pressing her hand against forehead as she calmed down.

“Well…. I think that’s enough for today.”

Maximillian dismissed everyone and began to pack up his own things. Amelie contemplated apologising for her outburst and then decided that he could go fuck himself with his own calculator. She turned in her seat over to Sombra who was staring at her wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape;

“Chinese?”

When they were out of the room Amelie had to take a second and lean against the wall and collect herself; she knew full well that she’d likely damaged her reputation irreparably with everyone in that room, not to mention that people were likely already plotting to buy her out.

“Amelie.”

“Yeah?”

Sombra wrapped both her arms tight around her; holding her close and not letting go for a solid minute, people passing them in the hallway gave them funny looks whilst Amelie just gently pet her hair.

“It’s not the big of deal; they can’t exactly fire me.”

“Amelie…”

“And even if they do they have to give me a substantial payout; large enough to retire quite comfortably.”

“Amelie why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you pick me up in mexico? Why did you defend me just now? Why do you keep looking out for me even when it could tank your career.”

She looked down at her for a moment and realised how her actions might seem a little odd to some. The answer was that Sombra had spent her entire life fending for herself; it was about time someone gave her a fighting chance.

“Someone had to and god knows that your bastard of an uncle was quite willing to let you starve to death, or worse. Anyone else would have done the same.”

She said; slowly disentangling herself from Sombra, pulling a hair out of the girls face.

“Besides; it’s the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me and Lena.”

Sombra looked up at her for a moment and not for the first time wanted to kiss her; she refrained, they were both in pretty committed relationships after all.

“Let’s go get some food; I’m starving.”

Amelie finally said; getting her things together and leading the way out of the office.

Hana groaned; her phone buzzing on her bedside table. She reached out groggily and turned it on; briefly staring into the eyes of the sun-god helios himself before finally opening the message that someone had sent her.

_ Hana; it’s Lena. _

**Lena? It’s… it’s like four in the afternoon? What the fuck when did I go to sleep last night?**

_ You should really get a proper sleep schedule. _

**You try streaming and dating a girl who insists on /always/ working in the middle of the fucking night on her computer.**

_ Listen I need to talk to someone and you’re the only person I trust; Sombra tells Amelie everything, I can’t tell Angela and Fareeha because they’ll freak out at me. _

**Ominous but what makes you think I won’t tell Amelie myself? We’re roommates.**

_ Because I’m asking you not to and you don’t have the connection Sombra and Amelie do? They’re like sisters. _

**Ikr; it’s adorable, although I do get a little jealous. What is it you want to tell me?**

_ I did something good. _

**Okay?**

_ But…. it’s going to hurt Amelie. _

**What did you do?**

_ Something stupid. _


	15. Chapter 15

Lena Oxton did not want to be here in this room, in this circle, with these people. They were pale faced, corpse like, some of them little more than skeletons wrapped in skin that stretched painfully over dilapidated muscles. The room felt like death and sickness and misery and she hated it. She wanted to be outside, she wanted to be with Amelie, she wanted to spend her last few weeks doing whatever made her happy and right now this wasn’t it.

But this was the deal. She had to come here to these meetings at least once a week so that Hana wouldn’t tell Amelie what she had done; so that Hana wouldn’t tell  _ anyone _ that Lena Oxton was no longer getting better, that Lena Oxton no longer had a heart, that Lena Oxton as a living breathing person now had an expiration date.

“Lena would you like to say something?”

She shifted up in her seat and opened her mouth for a moment; she wanted to yell at them, to stomp her feet, to make them get up and be alive again, to fight, to just  _ try _ . Instead she shook her head and settled back into silence; a few of the regulars giving her concerned looks but saying nothing, knowing that the only way she’d ever come out of her shell was if she decided to do so herself.

“All right; well I suppose that wraps things up for tonight then. Thank you Louise for bringing the donuts today; I just want to end things by saying that you are always welcome back and that you are not alone in your struggle.”

Lena rolled her eyes and as the crowd dispersed shot to her feet and made straight for the door and down to where Hana had parked. She was curled up watching a live-stream when Lena yanked the passenger door open and slumped down into the seat and slammed the door shut.

“How was it?”

“It’s a room of terminally ill people talking about how depressed they are how do you think it was.”

“You know you could try actually… talking about your problems right? Like rather than just hiding everything from everyone all the time and pretending like you’re not sick you could just not do that. We’re not going to just abandon you.”

“Just drive.”

Hana sighed and took off down the road; dropping her off at her apartment before heading over to Sombra’s. Tonight was date night and Sombra was making enchilada’s.

Lena dragged her feet up the stairs of her apartment building; her heart straining a little in her chest and her breathing getting a little more labored. Soon, she realised, that she’d have to start taking the elevator out of necessity. When she opened the door to her apartment she was greeted with the smell of something sweet cooking. She slumped against the wall and made her way down the hallway and into her bedroom, closing and locking the door.

She heard foot-steps and then muffled voices from another room;

“I’m worried about Lena.”

“When was she supposed to get the new heart?”

“A week ago; she said the surgery was fine but apparently not even Amelie was with her when she went in and she hasn’t seen any operating scares, Lena won’t let her see her naked.”

“Hana went with her right?”

“Yeah but… I don’t know Fareeha I’ll call her doctor tomorrow and find out what’s going on.”

Lena groaned; more lies to tell, more truth to bury, she hated it but she knew if they ever found out the truth they would never leave her alone. Angela had made her promise to take the first heart that came along and she’d broken that promise, she’d promised Amelie that she’d try to live and fight and she’d broken that promise too. All that was left was to just try and die before anyone realised what she’d done.

She left her room again once she was sure that Angela and Fareeha were asleep; taking to the streets with her hands in her pockets and her hoodie pulled up to obscure her face whilst she strolled through the dilapidated streets of London. 

She remembered her and Amelie’s first night still; the anxious almost paranoid way that they had met at the motel, the way she always seemed to be looking over her shoulder, and how easily she had melted into her role. She’d been like ice at the start; cold, unfeeling, and then over the course of just their first session she’d seen a vulnerability there that she hadn’t seen in anyone else she’d been with.

The connection had been electric; they were like colours of paint mixing and blending until what they became together was something different and beautiful and unique. Amelie had opened herself to Lena even if they hadn’t even known each other’s real names; they were meant for each other, a perfect fit.

Lena turned a corner and was assaulted with neon signs of take-aways and deli’s and corner shops; she let her feet carry her, sticking to main-roads and the occasional side street, avoiding the alleys for now. She wasn’t looking for a fight yet.

The second session had been different; they’d set straight into it with the ferocity of predator and prey, Lena covering Amelie in marks and bruises, claiming her as her own. The thought of having to share her with anyone else; of Amelie being touched by anyone else, it set her on edge. A violent urgency welling up in her body.

She’d caught some guy with a camera that night; he’d been watching them all evening and when she’d gotten the camera off of his hands it was full of pictures of them both. She’d broken it along with his jaw and from that point on she was always on the look out; she’d started to collect teeth like stamps. Amelie was hers and hers alone and she wouldn’t let anyone or anything stand between them.

They had a year left together at best provided Lena kept taking her medicine and exercised and lived a healthy lifestyle and she wondered if it was at all worth it; all she really wanted was one final night, one more perfect evening free of fear, and then after that she could be done. Done with her heart, her life, done with Amelie.

She turned left down an alleyway and was blocked by someone bigger than her; she looked up at them, her eyes demanding a challenge. Instead they stepped aside with a nervous laugh and apology; she rolled her eye’s and kept going, delving deeper looking for someone or something.

When she’d told Angela her friend had refused to leave her be; monitoring every last aspect of her life, making sure she took her medicine, ate correctly, took care of her body, again and again. She’d studied Lena like an experiment and Lena had come to resent it; feeling like nothing more than an idle curiosity to the blonde, something to be dissected and studied and taken care of but never cared for. 

She wondered how they’d gotten so distant; there was a time when her and Angela told eachother everything. Fareeha had changed things sure; she knew she couldn’t be Angela’s priority anymore and that would have been fine except the clinical treatment continued, the only thing that was lost was the connection that had made them friends in the first place.

Now she had Hana breathing down her neck too; the ever-present threat that any moment Hana could just text Amelie and tell her everything. The thought was gut-wrenching because then their relationship would be meaningless; she’d just be a victim to Amelie, someone to feel sorry for, to pity.

She stared down at the figure at her feet; breathing heavily, her heart tight against her chest as blood dripped from her knuckles. She could feel a bruise welling up on her cheek and she touched it gingerly with her hand before kicking one of the bodies groaning on the floor; she didn’t recognise them or their gang colours but she didn’t care. It began to rain and she grabbed one of their jackets and wrapped it around herself to keep herself warm before stumbling on through the city of London.

She hated that image; of her trapped in a hospital bed, watching each line on the LCD measure the unsteady tick of her heart. It was just counting down until the day you died until you lost track of the time and were just waiting, always waiting, for the end. She didn’t want to be sick and frail and she didn’t want to be looked after; she wanted to live a life not consumed by the inevitability of her own death, she wanted to refuse an existence that told her she was not allowed to love Amelie Lacroix because she did not have the time to stop and really appreciate her.

She didn’t want to leave Amelie but she couldn’t hurt her like this; it’d hurt less maybe if Amelie didn’t need to see her in those final moments. Thinking about Amelie hurt and as she rounded the corner she focused on the men in front of her; letting them surround her, push her into a corner, before she left them bleeding on the floor. 

She shouldn’t be doing this; eventually there’ll be someone faster or stronger or smarter and then that corner will be a bear trap. She continues anyway; not content to head home yet because at this point she’s not even sure what home is. She lets the rain wash over her and soak her to her core; leaving her feeling sluggish and slow, making her drag her feet along the pavement as though her ankles were chained to a heavy iron ball.

The third time her and Amelie had met there had been a distinct feeling of routine; a sensation of mutual desire and confidence, that trust had been established in a meaningful way and as soon as Amelie had stepped through the door she was playing her role like a dream. Amelie was the one thing in her life that made her feel like she had control; the one thing that Lena could control.

She stared numbly at the cafe in front of her; a flickering sign above the entrance welcomed her with a knowing smile, and the lights emanating from the windows were like an island of heat and light as the rain only got heavier. She stepped through the door and sat down; picking up a menu and ordering a cup of tea whilst she dripped all over the seats and table.

She didn’t know what to do now; she didn’t want to head home but she knew staying out any more would just have her thinking in circles. She needed to call her doctor in the morning to get him to lie to Angela. Then she had to continue pretending like nothing was wrong with Amelie, and keep going to these stupid group therapy sessions because of Hana, to lie about her health to Angela.

She glanced at her reflection in the window and didn’t recognise herself; the visage staring back at her was ragged, exhausted, her eyes were sunken and panicky and her face lean. She pulled her hood back and set her mess of hair free taking a moment to experience herself from another perspective before sipping her tea. The warmth spread into her shaking bloody fingers and restored life to her numb body; it brought her back to the present and she let out a long defeated sigh.

She finished her tea and paid for it at the counter and made her way back into the weeping city. Her clothes clung to her body and after a while everything felt like it was pulling her down, dragging her back, and as the rain’s intensity only got worse she darted under the overhang of a nearby building and huddled against a piller.

She was stood under some kind of bank she hadn’t made out the sign but there was a security guard sitting behind a desk inside who got up and started moving towards her. She ignored him and sat down; hugging herself as she felt her bones freeze beneath her skin. The door opened and the guard stood behind her for a moment; coughing politely to get her attention.

“You can’t stay here all night.”

“I’m not going to, I’m not a bum, I’ll move on once I’ve warmed up a bit.”

He sighed and pressed his finger and thumb against the bridge of his nose before sitting down next to her and taking out a packet of cigarettes.

“It’s three in the morning; why would someone who isn’t a bum be hiding from the rain outside this building at three in the morning.”

“Maybe someone doesn’t feel like being at home right now.”

He lit one of the little white sticks and inhaled slowly before offering one to her; she hesitated, she hadn’t smoked since she was fifteen, but then took one anyway. She’d already had caffeine tonight why not add nicotine to it as well. He lit it for her and she stuck the thing between her lips; the smoke burning its way through her lungs but she didn’t so much as flinch, she wondered if the nicotine would kill whatever it was that was killing her.

“What’s your name?”

“Lena; you?”

“Gabriel, but my friends call me Gabe. Y’know I bet my boss is gonna yell at me for talking to you rather than throwing you back out into the rain.”

“Sorry I guess; sounds like you’ve got a shitty boss.”

“He means well I think; he just takes the security of the building and the staff very seriously.”

“People doing shitty things for good reasons are still shitty people.”

He chuckled at that and scratched his head;

“Sounds like you’re projecting a little bit.”

“Maybe I am.”   
“Rough night? What happened? You argue with someone important?”

Lena pulled her soggy knees up to her drenched chest and hugged them; it didn’t help her feel warmer but it made her feel less vulnerable.

“No, not really, if I’d told them the truth then we would have argued.”

“Maybe the argument would’ve been better?”

“Maybe…”

Lena took another deep breath of that smoke; her throat felt raw and her lungs were practically throbbing in protest after tonight.

“If you were dying and medicine couldn’t help you and therapy didn’t make you happy and exercise would just make things worse then what would you do? I mean how do you stop yourself from being a miserable skeleton wasting away in a hospital room.”

He thought about it for only a second before responding;   
“I guess the two options are self-destruct or kill yourself. You go out and live in a way that makes you immediately happy so that those moments where you aren’t are muted or numb. You could also just not bother with the whole dying slowly part and throw yourself off the roof of a building or something.”

Lena nodded along with his words like he was saying something she hadn’t realised already.

“Dying isn’t really about us is it?”

“No, not really.”

She sighed and let her thoughts go somewhere dark if only for a moment; turning her head when he started speaking again.

“If…. it was me… and I knew that I was never going to get better… then I wouldn’t kill myself or at least not deliberately. Once you’ve got nothing to lose; once you’ve hit a point where your own body is trying to kill you, then it doesn’t really matter what you put in it right? Nicotine, drugs, alcohol, it’s just… costing you what an hour? A day? If you’re counting days then you’re dying wrong and dying slow.”

“What about everyone else though? The people you care about that have to watch you spiral down into your own grave.”

“They’re not the ones dying. Thinking about them is nice and all but at the end of the day they get to worry about their future. If they want you to spend your last weeks in a hospital bed desperately clinging on to your own existence but if you’d rather die anywhere else then I think it’s fair to say that you should die anywhere else.”

Lena rested her chin on her knees and sighed;

“I just don’t want to die.”

She took another drag of the cigarette and the smoke seemed to burn a little less; he just shrugged and glanced at his watch before rubbing his eyes with his hand.

“Do you have a place to go home?”

“Yeah; like I said I’m not homeless, I just needed to clear my head.”

“Did you?”

“No, but the cigarette helped. I haven’t smoked since I was a teenager.”

They sat in silence for a long time; smoking and listening to the sound of the pouring rain, when it was clear that the rain wasn’t letting up and that there was no more cigarette to smoke Lena put out the stub on the concrete and left.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes to let the truth come out you have to let the dread come in."

Lena stared at the door of Amelie’s apartment trying to figure out what she was going to say; it was the middle of the night, or possibly even the morning, and she was soaked to the bone. Inside she could hear the sound of conversation heavily muffled through the walls and the front door and she vaguely remembered Amelie mentioning having her ex-husband over for a dinner party.

She wanted to leave; to just take it as a sign that it would be better not to have this conversation but she knew that in the long run just disappearing without a trace would hurt a lot more than telling her. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door; there was silence and then she heard footsteps approaching the door, each one of them bringing with it a painful twinge in her heart.

The door opened and she stood there silent; staring up at Amelie for a moment, her heart hammering hard in her chest as she realised this was the last time she was ever going to see Amelie’s face again. Amelie’s expression flickered between surprise, concern, and then a brief hint of amusement.

“Lena? What happened? Come in I’ll get you a towel.”

Amelie turned and Lena grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the hallway; pulling her into a passionate, albeit wet, kiss. Amelie hesitated for a moment but relented; leaning into the kiss but keeping Lena a few inches away from her, she loved her but this dress was expensive and Lena was currently a walking tie-dye.

“Lena…. I have guests.”

“I just… need a minute.”

“I think I can manage a minute.”

Amelie’s smile curved a little smugly but that faded when she saw the look in Lena’s face; she stepped away from Lena, distancing herself a little.

“Lena what’s going on.”

“Amelie I lied to you.”

Inside Gerard leaned back in his chair and tried to eavesdrop on the conversation but as Amelie was pulled into the hallway they were out of earshot. His wife kicked him under the table and he turned to her for a moment before leaning back and trying to hear again. When he heard the sound of footsteps approaching back into the room he stood up and indicated for his wife to do the same; Amelie froze in the doorway, Lena standing a little ways behind her.

“I got a call; sadly we need to go, it’s been a pleasure as always Amelie.”

“As always; maybe another time.”

He nodded and walked over; taking her hand and kissing it softly before walking out, trying desperately to remember where he’d seen that soaking wet girl before.

“ _ That’s _ your husband?”

“That  _ was _ my husband. So you lied about the surgery. Okay. You’re back on the donor list so there’s still hope.”

Amelie was pacing back and forth; her hands running through her hair, her mind thinking through all the contacts she had at her disposal. Finding a human heart wasn’t easy and it was going to cost money an-

“Amelie I took myself off the waiting list.”

Amelie stared at her blankly for a moment;

“What?”

“I took myself off the waiting list. There’s not going to be another heart; I don’t want another heart.”

“Why don’t you want another heart?”

Amelie leaned back against the table; her hand clenching around it.

“I’m tired of fighting; it’s exhausting Amelie, I just want to die and get it over with.”

“Get it over with?”

Amelie said softly at first and then practically yelled it at her;

“Get it over with! Lena it’s  _ dying.  _ You don’t get it over with Lena! You die! For good! That’s it; you just sto-”

“I know! Amelie I know! I know what it means to die; I know it better than you or anyone else, I am aware of my own mortality Amelie! I’ve been living with it for my entire life!”

“Then why don’t you want to fight!”

“Because I’m tired Amelie! God I’m so fucking tired; of the meetings, of the medication, of the hope and the loss and the constant sense that nothing I do will mean anything because I’ll be dead before the age of thirty! Amelie; I’m probably gonna be dead by the end of the year and all I’ve done with my life is work as a waitress at a shitty bar! There’s no point struggling any more! It’s exhausting!”

“What about us.”

“What about us Amelie! I love you and the time we’ve spent together has been…. Amazing, beautiful, incredible, bu-”

“But what?”

Lena stared at her for a moment and Amelie looked away from her; unable to meet her gaze.

“You didn’t come here to tell me the truth; you came here to break up with me.”

“Ameli-”

“Fuck you.”

Amelie walked away from Lena and over to the kitchen; Lena following behind her and staring as she rifled through her cupboards and taking out a bottle of wine. She thought about getting a glass before just taking a long draught from the bottle before she slammed it down on the tabletop.

“Ameli-”   
“Fuck you!”

“Amelie! I came here; I wanted to talk to you, I thought tha-”

“You thought what? That I’d be overjoyed that my girlfriend signed her own death sentence? That the woman I love doesn’t love me enough to want to even  _ try _ to make a life together?”

She drinks from it again; she doesn’t want to deal with the feelings that are welling up in her chest and going straight for her eyes. 

“Does Angela know.”

“No…. I haven’t told her…”

“Will you?”

Lena looked away and Amelie rolled her eyes and took another drink.

“What made you change your mind?”

“About what?”

“About telling me.”

“Amelie I wasn’t just going t-”

“Fuck you. What made you change your mind.”

Lena frowned and stood up straighter;

“I wanted to die free of any guilt. Free of any obligations. I wanted you to know what happened so it wouldn’t haunt me.”

Amelie stared at her blankly for a moment and her hand tightened around the bottle and she thought about throwing it at the wall next to Lena.

“I love you and that doesn’t matter to you at all does it?”

“Ameli-”

“I was just a distraction; I was always just a distraction, all this time I worried that I had been too cold to you at the start. That maybe you felt bad because of my money, or because of the way I used to treat you, but all this time you were just planning to leave.”

“No! I love you! That’s true Amelie! I love you!”

“No you don’t; if you really loved me you’d try!”

“If you really loved me then you’d let me die!”

The bottle struck the wall next to her but Lena stood defiantly; locking glares with Amelie.

“Say you hate me. Say this didn’t mean anything. Tell me that this relationship was doomed from the start; that to you I was always just a way to pass the time, tell me that you don’t love me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you know it meant something to me; you know that this was real.”

“I think that maybe I would’ve preferred if you’d just disappeared; because then I would still be able to believe that.”

“Amelie I love you! You have to believe me!”

Amelie turned her back to Lena and slammed her hands down on the sink; gripping the edge with all of her strength.

“Just leave like you planned to Lena.”

“Amelie…. I don’t want to leave it like this.”

“How did you want to leave it? What did you think would happen? That we’d fuck one last time and then I’d make my goodbyes and move on with my life?”

“A-”

“Shut up! Just shut up and leave! I was going to marry you; we were meant to get married! And you don’t care! You don’t care!”

“I care! I came here didn’t I! I came back to you even though it would hurt; I told you even though it hurt, I didn’t just disappear like you tried to do! I tried to give you more closure than “it has to end” so don’t stand there and accuse me of not caring because I do!”

Amelie slumped down on to the cold kitchen floor and hugged her knees to her chest; burying her head in her hands and tried to hold back the tears that were coming.  She heard Lena step towards her and felt her kneel down; she leaned against her, her hands reaching out to touch Lena’s arms.

“I’m not ready to let you go.”

“I know love.”

Lena sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders; pulling her into a hug, letting Amelie cry softly on her shoulder. Lena kissed her forehead and Amelie wrapped her arms around her like a vice.

“Don’t go, don’t go, please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry Amelie…”

“Please… Lena… please stay with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

As the sun bled through the curtains and illuminated her kitchen Amelie slowly stirred awake; she’d fallen asleep leaning against Lena and when she opened her eyes she was laying on a pillow with a blanket wrapped around her. She sat up and looked around the kitchen before standing up and searching her apartment for Lena; rushing from room to room, scrambling over furniture when she heard her phone ring.

“Amelie? Is Lena there? She left us a note and she’s not picking up her phone an-”

Amelie hung up the phone and curled up into a ball.


	17. Chapter 17

Lena stared up the long flight of stairs in front of her; they’d been carved straight into the side of the mountain and ascended upwards towards a monastery perched at the very top. She glanced back down at the article she’d printed off the internet and stared at the sign written in the local dialect for a moment before sighing and tucking the article back into her pocket. 

It had been nearly three months since she’d vanished off everyone’s radar; she’d thrown her phone away, withdrawn what little money she had and then closed her bank account. She’d gone to Australia first, and then Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Russia, Japan, South Korea, China, and now finally her money had run out and she could feel her time going with it. Her heart felt increasingly sluggish and the tightness in her chest never really went away anymore. It seemed fitting then that if anything was going to kill her it would be the stairs to her final destination.

She began to climb; every step strained her herart and every time her heart felt like it was about to burst she’d stop and rest, taking no chances and determined to see the end of her journey before it saw the end of her.

There were nearly three thousand steps snaking up the side of the mountain and it took her the majority of the day to reach the top and when she did the sun was already setting. The building in front of her was made of sturdy an ancient wood and was flanked either side by more modern looking additions; there was a radio dish sticking out the roof of one, and men were busying themselves about the place. Some attending to the large garden that dominated most of the ground up here, others doing maintenance or checking the buildings, and some even hanging up laundry to dry.

She stood there taking it all in; the chill air seemed to carve its way down her throat and into her lungs and for a moment she thought she was going to pass out.

“Excuse me miss but sorry to disappoint but we’re not open to tourists at the moment.”

A young man approached; his head was bowed slightly and his face had an apologetic expression on it.

“I know it’s taken you a while to climb all the way up here but I’m afraid we’re going to have to turn you away.”

His english was surprisingly fluent and it took her a moment to register what had been said to her; she looked behind her down the perilous staircase before looking back at him.

“I’m not a tourist and I have a heart condition; if I walk back down those steps I’ll probably die. I came here hoping to talk to Mondata, or at least to pray at the shrine. I’m looking for guidance.”

“Ma’m I’m sorry to tell you but Mondata is no longer here; he passed away during a trip to England. We also do not allow outsiders who are not part of the order access to the shrine; however if it is guidance you are looking for I don’t mind sitting and offering what help I can here on the steps.”

Lena sighed and dropped her bag to the ground.   
“How do I join your order?”

He chuckled at that before realising the serious look on her face;

“We aren’t recruiting at the moment and we don’t tend t-”

“Genji you’re not about to turn this poor lady away from our shrine when the sun is already setting?”

A second monk had approached them; this one looked even younger than the one currently trying to kick her out.

“Master I-”

“Please forgive my pupil; we would be more than happy to offer you a place to stay for the evening. However what Genji said was true; if you are not a member of our order, we cannot permit you to pray at the shrine. However if you are serious about joining us or if not that at least studying under us then we would welcome another student.”

Lena’s mouth opened a little in surprise; she wasn’t entirely sure what to say, she’d assumed she’d die before she got to this point and now that she was here she was unsure of how to proceed. She closed her mouth when she realised she was gawking before nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes! Yes I would love the chance to study under the tutelage of the Shambali!”

“Very well; there is an initiation ceremony of sorts. You have to cut ties to your previous life; our teachings and training is rigorous and requires your full attention. You’ll need to get rid of your clothes and backpack, we’ll provide you with robes, and we’ll need to shave your hair as well.”

She opened her mouth to protest before considering how much she’d already given up; her relationship, her friends, what was some hair in comparison to who she’d already lost along the way. She dropped her backpack to the ground.

“Okay. Is there somewhere I can… throw my things away?”

Zenyatta walked over to the edge of the cliff and looked down meaningfully.

“This seems symbolic enough don’t you agree Genji?”

“Master you can’t just have her throw her things off the ed-”

A backpack came sailing over their heads and tumbled down into the abyss below; disappearing beneath a canopy of trees.

“Okay; my clothes next right? Should I get unchanged here or is there a room where I can get some privacy?”

She had a playful grin on her face; she felt light, as though her burdens had been lifted from her shoulders. Zenyatta grinned at her and Genji opened his mouth again to argue before running a hand over his head.

“I’ll get the scissors master.”

A day later Lena was beginning her first batch of lessons; she was almost unrecognizable in the robes of the shambali and completely bald. The haircut had been less painful than she’d anticipated; she imagined that Amelie would kill her if she could see her now, she always liked playing with her hair when they were together. Thinking about Amelie hurt so she stopped and threw herself into her training.

Her days passed one at a time; mornings usually involved language lessons with Zenyatta, midday was set aside for her share of chores, early afternoon was spent in meditation with the other initiates, afternoon on physical exercises with Genji, and finally the evening which was generously called “free time” but mostly involved finding somewhere quiet to reflect on her decisions.

Up in the mountains the only sounds were the wind and the monks and when she was by herself the silence was somehow louder than the wind. Every passing day she thought that she would die; but as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, she somehow carried on without incident. Her body got healthier and the teachings of the Shambali helped her slowly confront the true finality of her condition; but the hours of self-reflection had her feeling homesick for more than just England, she missed Amelie, she missed waking up next to her, she missed being with her, and she missed the future that they had planned together.

“What’s wrong my pupil; you’ve seemed distracted as of late.”   
Lena snapped out of her meditation with a defeated sigh; her hands running over her head, the lack of hair still felt strange.

“It’s nothing master; I’ll move past it.”

“You know Lena there is more than one way to better understand one's place in the universe; meditation is a useful tool but it is only a tool. Sometimes talking can help as well.”

She frowned but resigned herself to her masters whims.

“I’ve spent my entire life waiting for death and when it became clear that it was about to catch me I accepted it and decided that I would do what I could to make sure I was happy.”

He nodded solemnly; listening to his student talk.

“But…. I travelled, I saw and experienced incredible things, met incredible people and I’m here now. I’ve made my peace with my own death but… every day I expect to be my final day and it’s not and as things go on I’m starting to doubt my decisions that led me here.”

He nodded again and thought for a moment before speaking;

“Waiting for death is not living my pupil and as well travelled as you are, if you have not found meaning in those travels, and you don’t find peace here, then perhaps you have already found it somewhere else.”

“I can’t go back home master; not after all I’ve done to get here, and especially not after who I hurt to be here, this needs to mean something. I’ll find my peace; I just… need more time to reflect.”

Zenyetta nodded again; he could tell that there was something deeper here, something she didn’t want to talk about.

“I will guide you as best I can my pupil, but if your place is not meant to be here then forcing yourself to stay will only hurt you.”

Lena sighed and nodded before closing her eyes and trying to drive Amelie from her mind. 

It was a chill morning when Zenyatta called her out during her morning lessons; he was standing at the edge of the steps with a backpack slung over his shoulder alongside Genji.

“Grab a bag; we are to go down into the village and perform a small ceremony for the people. I need you and Genji to go shopping for a few things whilst I’m there.”

Lena nodded and grabbed a bag; the three managing to get to the bottom of the staircase by midday. Zenyatta patiently waiting as Lena had to stop every now and then; her heart protesting in her chest, whilst Genji just tapped his foot and glowered at the attention his master was giving to the other initiate.

They finally reached the base of the stairs and Zenyatta gave them the list of groceries they needed to pick up before moving towards the shrine that the villages had built and maintained. Genji led the way to the market with Lena trailing behind; she felt a little faint and was already dreading having to climb back up to the shrine.

“Initiate keep up; the ceremony will be finished soon and we should try not to keep our master waiting.”   
“Yeah just my chest is feeling…”

Genji sighed and stopped; giving Lena a chance to lean against a wall, her hand pressed against her chest.

“We should not have let you into our order; it’s been a fraternity for generations.”

“Welp it’s not anymore; if you’ve got an issue with me being in the order bring it up with master Zenyatta.”

“He let you in out of pity.”

She scowled at him and stood up; her hands clenched into fists.

“He let me in because he thought I would be a good student; which I’ve demonstrated I am.”

“And yet you linger behind physically and mentally when compared to the other students. You don’t belong here, you don’t speak the language.”

“Well you weren’t exactly born here! I’m not an idiot; I’ve heard you speaking japanese, you act awfully high and mighty around me for someone who is also a foreigner.”   
He scowled at her and dropped his bag; Lena did the same and they both stepped towards each other taking on a sparring stance..

“You’re just jealous that our master pays more attention to me than to you; admit it you’re in love with him.”

Genji scowled and launched himself forward; Lena neatly re-directing him and circling around until they were standing opposite each other again. Genji attacked again and this time when Lena tried to dodge he was waiting for it and nearly swept her off her feet only to have his momentum used to fling him down into the ground.

Lena shuffled back and Genji rolled back up to his feet; they faced off again, Lena breathing hard as her heart started to hammer hard in her chest. This time when Genji struck she felt her heart seize up and his fist caught her square on the shoulder; throwing her to the floor and her heart clawed its way up her throat.

Her breathing got faster and then stopped as she arched her back; her eyes staring up into the sky as her body seemed to implode around her heart, fire burning through her limbs as she struggled on the ground. Dimly she was aware of people crowding around her in the distance and voices speaking far far away.

The sky above her seemed to swallow her up and she raised her hands up to meet it; it wrapped blue tendrils around her body and welcomed her among the stars. She floated high and high until earth was a distant blue dot behind her; all around her the universe extended as far as the eye could see, bright brilliant stars seemed to wink in and out of existence on a timescale she couldn’t fathom but appeared as though a second to her.

She felt light and unburdened and freely she flew among the celestial bodies towards the center; something dragged her there, she could hear words distantly but they were gibberish and after a while they faded to the background of the celestial beauty around her. At the center of everything she could see a bright light spreading infinitely in every direction; a bright orb that seemed to blind her to everything else.

Slowly it turned and with the anticipation of millenia she watched as it opened up and inside there curled up and shivering in the cold light of creation was a woman whose beauty defied divinity. Her arms were the impossible span of all creation, her legs the unfathomable length of time, her body shifted and eons passed with each gentle rise and fall of her chest and finally the woman opened her eyes and Lena was consumed.

They were an empty abyss but in them Lena saw her reflection and she nearly cried; she saw no scars, no girl frightened of death, nothing but a brilliant burning flame. The woman reached out a palm and Lena flew towards it; landing softly on her fingers, one hand resting against her thumb as she took in the beauty of this impossible woman.

The woman’s lips moved and the song of creation sung out into the abyss and Lena closed her eyes and let the meaning soak into her core; there was no question, just a single emotion behind them. Love. Absolute, enduring, undeniable love. Lena stood before the gaze of this celestial goddess and she felt loved.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out; her tongue failed her and she stepped along the woman’s palm. Each step she took trailing fire behind her which spread and ate away at the divinity before her; she reached her hands out and again the woman spoke, her words filling Lena to the brim with sheer joy even as her own love destroyed the woman.

The fire burned and raged and still the woman did not let go; still the woman held Lena in the palm of her hand, and as the fires reached her neck and illuminated the vast nebulae that were her hair Lena recognised her finally. It was Amelie; sweet Amelie, a brief point of order and hope in the chaos of the cosmos and her love was destroying her.

Lena begged and pleaded; trying to escape Amelie, to stop the flames, to stamp out the fire that threatened to consume her love. But Amelie simply calmed her and refused to let go; Amelie cherished her and loved her even as her love consumed Amelie utterly and completely. The flames ignited the universe and as Amelie was finally completely consumed and Lena was once again left floating in the abyss all that remained of her existence was the echoes of her love; etched into the very fabric of everything that ever was and ever would be. Then when that faded and the last of the stars burned out only Lena was left; alone, floating in the dark with nothing but herself for company.

Then she awoke in a hospital room with a brand new heart in her chest and her master sleeping in a chair beside her; apparently being the student of an important monastery came with perks.

She sat up slowly; her hands gently playing along the stitches over her chest before resting her head in her palms and crying.


End file.
